Why a whelk...

I know I've been saying this for ages, : JACK IS SO DEAD.

It's called the Immortality Gate, ffs.


ANYWAY: Contrary to what those crazy mousies at who_anon think, I am keeping calm about the PDF. I have no desire to blow up over it, it's Christmas. I will be saying one or two things about it soon, but not right now, I've got turkeys to baste.

A brief post about LOVE, like I promised. Or more specifically, about "I love you" and Children of Earth. I've heard from one of GDL's panels at DragonCon that there was a reciprocal "I love you" in Ianto's death scene in Day Four, but it removed at the request of JB and GDL. You may be surprised to know that I am GODDAMN HAPPY about that. That scene was fucking awful, man. It made me cry, yes, Ianto was soon to be dead, but Christ what a cringeworthy sappy piece of shit scene that was. I was upset at the time that there WASN'T an "I love you" from Jack in that scene, I'll admit, but my actual upset wasn't about those words and that moment, it was about the fact that there wasn't anything even remotely approaching a relationship in which those words could have been spoken up until that scene.

What Children of Earth did, for me, above anything else, was tell me that I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG. Way back when, when I started thinking that Jack/Ianto was a bit squicky, and I talked and I talked and I talked and people talked to me, and everyone started convincing each other that we should be reading between the lines and there was more to their emotional bond than we were being shown, all that stuff was thrown out the window in Days One to Four of Children of Earth. There wasn't. There hadn't been. And so all those thoughts I had back then, that Jack was essentially fucking an employee, not really giving anything back emotionally, despite the fact that that employee, who was younger, less experienced, emotionally broken and vulnerable, was very obviously falling in love with him, all that stuff was true. My inklings and instincts that Jack was being a user and was, in fact, a bit of a dick, that really was the case. Not only was there nothing going on, emotionally, in Series One or Two, but when that subject did start coming up in CoE, it was shot down, their interactions became hugely uncomfortable to watch, and a sudden redemption on that front on Ianto's deathbed did absolutely nothing to change that. Too little, too late. It made me hate Jack, far more than I'm sure it was meant to, but it did. I'm glad Jack didn't say "I love you", it would probably have made me hate him even more.

The reason all this stuff still bothers me is pretty simple. I had these bad feelings about Jack during S2 of Torchwood, this inkling that he used people and acted like an arsehole, and used his immortality as an excuse, in his own head, anyway, for how he treated mere mortals emotionally. For me, those feelings were confirmed in CoE when the big, climactic, dramatic drama happened. And the thing is, I have these same feelings about the Doctor. Well, no, not the Doctor, Ten, specifically. This niggling feeling that he's been acting like a dick, and that he uses his emo as an excuse to treat people like shit. In fact with the Doctor it's far less niggling, and far more blatant. I don't want to feel this way about the Doctor, and I'm very, very afraid that, as with Jack, these things will come into play in the final furlong. I DO NOT WANT.

I never really cared about the fact that I disliked Jack, Jack's not a big deal, but the Doctor? I watch this shit with my kid, man, I don't want to have him squeeing over monsters and sonic screwdrivers and TARDISes while I sit by on the sofa and fume and cringe and hate Ten. I don't want all this serious manpain in Who, and I certainly don't want these HINTS of serious manpain and emotional retardation to become CANON. I don't mind hints, I don't mind it when I can read things into this kiddie show, I like being given ambiguity and subtext, things to enjoy on another level while my child hides behind the sofa, that's all great, it's cool. Actual canonical emo and manpain and emotional manipulation? Not so much.

I hear a lot of people saying that it sounds like Moffat's tenure might be a bit much in the way of jelly babies and crappy monsters and silliness. GOOD. I, for one, cannot wait for this development. Bring it on. And Russell? Go make SRSDRAMA somewhere else. I won't be watching.

ETA: LOL, though. I've been criticising Russell T Davies for like two years now, and what was my major complaint about Jack/Ianto? It was Russell, you're not doing a very good job of showing us a relationship between two equals that isn't mildly emotionally abusive and isn't primarily about sex. I was totally wrong. He did a great job of showing us a relationship that wasn't between two equals, was mildly emotionally abusive and was primarily about sex. Russell is, in fact, very good at his job. Who would have thought?

I said yesterday how much this guy has ruined Who for me, and now Torchwood as well, and the thing is, I'm sure he didn't MEAN TO. But he did. How did he do that, though? Well, I've been thinking about that, and the thing is, that Russell and I just don't see eye to eye on relationships, and here's why.

There's two relationships that Russell has touted or described using the words "love" and/or "romance" and they are Doctor/Rose and Jack/Ianto. The thing about Jack/Ianto is that Russell didn't really have a very firm hand in the development and depiction of that relationship in Series One and Two of Torchwood, which makes it very interesting to see what happens to that relationship the moment that Russell DOES start to stir that particular pot in Series Three, and it's a very telling thing that happens. The relationship that we so desperately tried to fanwank away as having something of an equal footing about it, as being something of a partnership in S1 and 2 immediately, in Day One of S3, is very clearly depicted as a relationship between a STRONG and a WEAK partner. Ianto suddenly becomes Rose in S2 of Who, unsure of their position in the affections of the other, not even sure enough and confident enough to OUTRIGHT ASK what their position is, and reduced to slightly underhanded nagging about mortgages or the word "couple" in order to try and gauge what the other partner is thinking and how the other partner sees them. The dominant partner is dismissive, cold even, and the questioning party is left to shrug off that coldness and accept what's on offer because this is pretty much it, so take it or leave it. And they take it. Like a bitch.

We know how both of those relationships ended because they ended in exactly the same way, with tears and an unrequited "I love you" on the side of the weaker party. Now the thing about both of these relationships is, and I think that's what many people fail to understand, that Russell really - genuinely - finds this type of interaction romantic. This interaction between the doting, devoted (we as an audience might say "foolish") underdog and an uncommunicative, closed off stronger half, Russell really digs that shit. And when we, as an audience, say to Russell that we find what we see on screen unsatisfying, maybe because we like our romances to be between equals and not so weirdly skewed, Russell really doesn't get why. And so when we say we were missing something in Jack/Ianto, Russell assumes, because he thinks it was fucking romantic, that we think they didn't have enough sex, when that's precisely the opposite of what we were missing. He's not being dismissive, he just doesn't understand our point of view. At all. And he never will. This is IT for him, this is the epitome of romance. Look at Doctor/Jack, the exact mirror of Jack/Ianto, the relationship where Jack is the foolish devoted one and the Doctor is the one being cold and unappreciative and closed. We feel for Jack in that relationship and we hate the Doctor in that moment for brushing his devotion off so casually. (Not as much as I hate Jack for brushing off Ianto, but that's only because the Doctor at least has the decency not to fuck those he keeps at arm's length.) Hell, look at Gwen/Rhys even, again, a relationship where we side with the underdog Rhys and really, when we look at the relationship objectively, think Rhys deserves better than what Gwen gives him (her superhuman rewrite in S3 notwithstanding). I won't go so far as to psychoanalyse RTD, dudes, but let's face it, the lovestruck puppy and the strong silent type, that really is Rusty's bag, baby. It ain't mine. Unfortunately.

Yes, I am angry at RTD for what he gave us in S3 of Torchwood, but mostly, I'm angry at myself for getting my hopes up that Russell would ever be able to step away from this default relationship template and give me something that would satisfy me. He can't. This is the formula that Russell writes to and it's a formula that I, personally, don't like, because I like my romance with a smidgeon of equality. And so, inevitably, I will never like anything that Russell writes. It's never going to work between me and Russell and I've now resigned myself to that. So, yeah. That's me and Russell done. Forever.

On a side note, I believe the reason RTD is so adamant that Ianto is DEAD DEAD DEAD NEVER COMING BACK NO WAY NO HOW, and not toeing the standard keep-em-hooked sci-fi line of "anything can happen, folks!" is twofold. First, I think these are the protests of a man who has been defending this decision for a while now. This isn't the first time it's been questioned, I reckon it's been questioned internally, probably reasonably vehemently, because these are the words of a man who has been digging his big gay heels in for quite some time now, shouting his way out of a corner he's been pushed into once too often. And secondly, he's so adamant about this BECAUSE JACK IS NOT COMING BACK. Jack will exit the narrative in Who, and John's not telling us this because he's still contractually obligated to toe a party line, but mark my words, Jack will leave the story or turn into the face of Boe in Who, leaving us with ABSOLUTELY NO REASON to bring Ianto back. Because Ianto's function in the narrative has only ever been to be Jack's lover and tell us as an audience more about Jack as a person. Ianto's never really been upgraded to his-own-man status in Rusty's eyes, and with the exit of Jack, Ianto will cease to have a purpose in the story, whatever it may be. Those are my thoughts on that Ianto is dead as a doornail thing. Yeah, of course, Rusty's also saying it because he loves to piss off the fanbase, that's like a masochistic thing he's really into, but apart from that, those are my reasonings as to why he's saying that.

I wish I could stop thinking about fucking Torchwood already.

This will probably be an incoherent list of thoughts about CoE, just to get it out of my system so I can move on.

( MY DEFINITIVE THOUGHTS ON CHILDREN OF EARTH )

That's it. That's all I have to say about Children of Earth. I've reached the point where I don't want to think about it or write about it ever again. I tried to find some beauty in it and I tried to find some hope, I tried to find an uplifting theme, something about Ianto having come from that 10%, but every time I thought about it, I just ended up back at pointless death, hopelessness and despair. And while I understand that that's a tale that needs telling sometimes, I didn't want my big gay cracky pterodactyl show to be used to tell it. I'm upset that it was, and I think I have every right to be upset. If you enjoyed it, good for you, I'm glad somebody did. I didn't, and I reject it. It never happened, dudes. That's my final word on the subject.

TORCHWOODIAN FANNISH VENNISH DIAGRAM, INSTALLMENT THE FIRST:

Gwack and Janto fangirls in venn-diagrammatic form.



QUESTION ONE: Using the following supposition, find a value for A, B, C and D.

Supposition:

Jack/Gwen shippers like to pretend that John Barrowman is just a little bit straight. For them.

[Poll #1330387]

QUESTION TWO:
IS HERE

• In defense of me... First of all, I love how when I post something about Barrowman, it never gets linked in the torchwood_three newsletter, because it'll usually be about me thinking he's a bit of a dick. The Barrowmafia is strong. Not that I give a rat's arse, it's just something I've noticed.


• Secondly, I've noticed that the extreme Barrowman love tends to come from Americans. I find that interesting from a sociological perspective, and I can understand where that comes from. A lot of American fans seem to find his out-and-out outness and happy-go-lucky lifestyle refreshingly different. As a European, I find it a mite tedious, and slightly overly perky and, indeed, American. I get outness on my telly and in my parliament and my newspapers and everywhere else on a daily basis, and as soon as you start going OTT with that outness, it strikes me as being a calculated exploitation of one's sexuality, which I associate with camp light entertainers and panto stars like Paul O'Grady and Julian Clary. But then, that's what Barrowman is. And the US doesn't really have Graham Nortons and Paul O'Gradys, and it certainly doesn't have that not-in-your-face outness of politicians and newspeople and actors and whoever that I take for granted over here, so I guess Barrowman is refreshing to a lot of Americans (As an aside, whatever happened to those uber-camp light entertainers I seem to recall the US having back in the seventies and eighties on things like Hollywood Squares and The Love Boat? Did they disappear into the woodwork out when AIDS hit? Did it cease being funny to be stereotypically gay? Were those guys ever really accepted as being gay by mainstream America, or were they just point-and-laugh funny because they acted gay? And why can't I remember any of their names?) But yeah, anyway, I can see why people think he's cool, and seriously, if you love the guy, go for it. There are far worse people on this earth to love, and apart from anything else, I don't think the man has a nasty bone in his body. Apart from the bone that would probably make a joke about the phrase "nasty bone", and that bone's just crude, but not nasty. And if he's got just one Torchwood fan who's never really been in contact with homosexuality and never known anyone who's gay and never really thought about it, to realise that it's okay to be gay and the world isn't going to end because two guys shack up and get a couple of gay dogs and move into your neighbourhood, then that's a great thing, because that's how it works. Go Barrowmanfans, go forth and be happy, I have nothing against you. I just think he's a bit of a dick. But that's just me.


• A specific defense of me, not that I've been named, but I can read between the lines, I never claimed that Barrowman has corrupted the virginal GDL and turned him into a waving-his-cock-in-your-face-type monster. Though I did say something along those lines here once that may have been construed that way. Gareth David-Lloyd is a 27-year-old man and I fully believe that he, like most 27-year-olds, will happily and drunkenly wave his cock in anyone's face, stick it down anyone's throat and possibly even try to stick things up it for a bet just like any healthy boy his age, without the need of ANY encouragement from anyone else. What I DID say was in conjunction with all the hullabaloo surrounding the Hub convention, and it was that I think Barrowman, who's been around a bit and is, let's face it a lot older and presumably wiser, has been a bad influence on convention n00bs like Gareth and Naoko, not in inciting bad behaviour, but in giving the impression that this sort of behaviour is perfectly acceptable. None of that would have been an issue for me were it not for the fact that after that particular convention, vibes were being spread around the interwebs that What Happened At The Hub Should Stay At The Hub, and the impression was given that the actors' behaviour at said convention somehow wasn't palatable for the general public. And in that respect I'm probably just too much of an old woman, and more forgiving of the youngsters, in as much as I think Barrowman really is old enough to know better, and the reason I singled out Barrowman specifically, is because those vibes I mentioned were reported to be coming from him solely, and not from anyone else, which I found hypocritical of someone who so eagerly encourages the crudeness in others. In retrospect, like I've said before, I may have misread the fact that JB specifically didn't want his behaviour getting out. Not being a huge fan of his, I kind of misinterpreted some of the uberBarrowmanettes' tone of "JOHN TALKED TO US OMG I TALKED TO JOHN!!" as "JOHN is the one, out of all of them, who specifically felt this way", simply because that first interpretation doesn't really impress me and therefore I kind of just read over it and went straight for the second. But yeah, that's why I went for John. Make of it what you will.


• Oh, and dudes, I've never claimed that Jack is a subby little bottom. I do, frequently claim Ianto is a dommy little top, which is a hangover from my glee at being proven right in my assertion, all that time ago, that Ianto was a manwhore who pulled the wool over Jack's eyes re. Lisa by distracting him with sex, but I've never once stated that that implies Jack is a subby little bottom. I really should stop reading the anonymeme, I know. I can't help myself.


• ( TORCHWOOD SPOILERS )


• Oh yes, and when Torchwood is axed, everyone will blame Moffat. Everyone from now on will blame Moffat for EVERYTHING. It's got nothing to do with Moffat, though I do believe Moffat wants nothing to do with Torchwood, but that in itself would not be an adequate reason for the BBC to axe the show. The hate for Moffat is strong, and it's completely unfounded, and it's only going to get worse and worse and worse. I weep for this fandom, I really do. I still love you, Steven.

As you were.

More Torchwood filming pics. Again, taken by DOCTORWHOFORUM regulars Spaceygal, Sue and Alun Vega.

( This time, they're a bit spoilery again, but don't worry, there's still COCK. )

That's it for today, folks. You may all return to your puny little lives.

There's a reason I stopped at Cyberwoman with my hilarious retcon, and that's because the whole Jack and Ianto story from Fragments to Cyberwoman is one that people have very many different takes on. I myself have always believed there was sex going on between Jack and Ianto from the moment we met Ianto in Everything Changes (funnily enough, at the time, I wasn't sure there was any attraction involved on Ianto's part, my views on that only started changing after TKKS).

( Jack and Ianto up to Cyberwoman, my serious take on what was going on )

That's my personal take on their relationship up to Cyberwoman. A bit rambly, but there you are. I shall be returing to the regularly scheduled Series One Retcon tomorrow.