Why a whelk...

( Gratuitous Gareth picspam masquerading as pie update )

Last note of non-connected noteworthyness, this is griggharris' signed picture:



IT IRKS ME, that NOBODY at the BBC has, in the past year, taken it upon themselves to edit the shadows of the other cast member's coats out of these individual promo shots that they cut out of the group shot. IT'S LAZY AND STUPID AND WOULD ONLY TAKE TEN MINUTES IN PHOTOSHOP FFS! GRRRRRRRRRRRR!

I'd like to direct anyone who thinks Torchwood has an actual budget towards exhibit A:


cap from the institute, goose and cuckoo pic by spaceygal

Bless Gareth, and Gareth's famous jacket. The question remains, of course, why Gareth wore actual clothes underneath said jacket in Countrycide. Surely this was unnecessary?

Also, Gareth made After Elton's hot 100 (linky), just above David Beckham (thank fuck for that) and just below small-faced actor Ryan Reynolds. I don't post about small-faced actor Ryan Reynolds a lot, though in fact, I have a bit of a pet theory that just about every film made in the past five years would have been vastly improved by having small-faced actor Ryan Reynolds play the lead. It's not a popular opinion, I realise, but it's mine so there you go.

People are still reading and commenting on my Ianto cockspam. Where are these people coming from? Explain yourselves, people, I hate being out of the loop.

• Yeah. So... Almost Perfect. The Torchwood novel. Seriously. Gender swap. I can't make longer sentences than this. Gender swap, seriously. Dudes. Honestly, gender swap? NO. I cannot even begin to explain on how many levels that's just a really, really bad idea. Why don't we just give the big gay show over ENTIRELY to 16-year-old fanfic writers, yeah? Because I'd be willing to bet that despite the hilarious premise, nobody gets FUCKED IN THE ASS in this book, and at least if we handed over to the ficcers, we'd have a guarantee that the novels would be full of FUCKING FILTH. Maybe not always filth of the highest calibre or believability, but pornography nonetheless. All the books would be about Jack and Ianto (the Time Lord) and would contain gratuitous rimming and hilariously bad things happening to Gwen. Actually, now that I start to think about it, all of that might not actually be that bad an idea. Forget I spoke. Fucking gender swap. Honestly, man. Kill me now.



• Beckett LOVES The Doctor's Daughter and I think he fancies Jenny a bit. But then he asks me yesterday "Why did the guy from THE BOX SHOW shooted the daughter?" and it took me ages to work out what he was talking about. The box show is, of course, Deal or No Deal, and Beckett thinks Jenny was shot by Noel Edmonds.



• And while I'm on The Doctor's Daughter, between Owen's 27-ness, the Doctor's refusal to take Mr. Copper along in VotD, 5 BILLION OTHER THINGS, and now the Doctor's DOWNRIGHT MOCKING of Donna's feminine wiles, Rusty's BLATANT AGEISM is starting to get RIGHT ON MY TITS. My thirtysomething, slightly deflated tits.


• Oh yeah, and Gareth? DON'T say in interviews that you can't afford a PA unless you want EVEN MORE letters than you're already getting from lots of lovely ladies offering you their services for free. With a blowjob thrown in. Honestly. Silly boy.

I use the icon because I haven't mentioned Gareth's COCK in at least a week. I'm going into withdrawal.

That is all.

Ah-ha! Gareth says Jack and Ianto have probably been fucking all along.
*points told-you-so-finger at the world and his wife*
I KNEW IT! Don't even TRY and contradict me on that one anymore, srsly.




Also: New infos re. cock, Marsters compares GDLcock favourably to his own. Cock estimation amended by one half inch until further info on the Marsterscock is obtained.

It's finally time for me to illustrate some of my views on Ianto and his dominant/alpha traits, whatever you wish to call them. Or at least to prove, once and for all, that Ianto is FAR FROM the wussy, servile wimp that parts of Torchwood fandom still seem to love to label him as.

( It's just an excuse for pictures of Ianto, let's be honest here... )
So there you have it. My what a big penis he has. Who would have thought it, eh? There was a point to all this, but it has, as always, temporarily escaped me due to pretty. I'm sure someone will remember what it was eventually.



EDITED TO ADD: That cap from Captain Jack Harkness? God, I miss those earpieces. I think the costume department forgot about the great impact made by things that draw one's eye to bits of the human anatomy interested parties may well want to nibble. Bastards.

EDITED AGAIN TO ADD MINI PICSPAM BONUS:











I add/repeat these because they show Ianto at his most threatening. It's weird, because Ianto at his most threatening seems to always involve that face, and it's a face that can't quite make its mind up as to whether it's menacing or flirtatious. In fact, Ianto behaving as a kickass hard man always AT THE SAME TIME seems to involve Ianto being more... sexy than he normally is. The taser as penis substitute in Meat, this thing...



... with the grape in Combat. As soon as Ianto starts exhibiting aggressive behaviour, his actions also become rather more overtly sexual, which is why he strikes me as having, sexually, quite an aggressive and dominating personality.

Which, obviously, is nothing to do with why I love Ianto so much. Nope.

ETA AGAIN (June 2008): If you're only just reading this, could you tell me where you came from? I'm being linked to from all over the place and I'm interested.