Alright, so I'm still watching

[tencrush]

Matheson will continue to NOT use any Earth Logic on crazy Joe and will continue to NOT address the question of how he is supposed to dial the phone to save his daughter when he has NO HEAD. He will cry a bit more and blow his brains out (this is why Moran has hinted at the possibility of a prequel, but not a sequel) just as Yvonne and co burst in the door. (Yes I am too lazy to remember her name.) Yvonne and co will waste their time being shocked at Matheson's demise and shouting at crazy Joe, all of which will result in the death of Holly due to police ineptitude. Maybe Yvonne will shoot Joe in the face because of her upset at never being able to follow through on her desire to blow rasperries on Matheson's belly and cheer him the fuck up. The End.

Moran is not capable of anything more cheery than that, mark my words.

Whichever way it pans out, Matheson's a fucking dead man. Personally, I think there'll be a massive twist involving one of these two minor characters who were Twittering all over the fucking shop, but have hardly actually been in the actual show, simply because that kind of feeds my theory that Moran really DID expect me to put in pre-emptive tweeting effort in order to understand the plot. If that's the case, he can go fuck himself with a pointy stick, because his predilection for TELLING us things outside of the things we're being SHOWN on screen (Hello Captain's Blog!) is getting on my tits. YOU'RE the writer, YOU show me, don't expect me to study up, that's not my job. My job involves a sofa and a bag of Doritos.

We shall see.

It's all a bit derivative, isn't it? I've mentioned SAW before, and the thing is, I really dislike the SAW series as well. Ever since the FUCKING FANTASTIC Cube, there's been a tendency in horror towards these long-distance missing-antagonist Rube Goldberg murders, and while Cube dealt with that brilliantly (seriously, if you've never seen Cube, I recommend it highly, yes, there's killings, but they're not really bloody and they're not really what the film's about, it's about paranoia and claustrophobia and it's brilliant on very many levels), everything thereafter has been a bit Doctor Evil, with that tendency towards [Doctor Evil voice]"Yes, I'm just going to put you in a glass box, fill it slowly with water, retreat to a safe distance to watch you drown on camera and assume everything goes according to plan. What?"[/Doctor Evil voice] I'm not really a huge fan of that inexplicable intricacy. I kind of prefer people just getting eaten by zombies or something. Though, to be fair, the Final Destination series has taken the Rube Goldberg Murder to hilarious extremes at times and can still ellicit a stifled giggle even from me. Fuck, they must be a breeze to write... oil drum falls over, oil comes out, wooden support slides thataway, knocks plug from plug socket, fridge goes off, water starts running out, something shorts out, door opens, knocks other support, cans roll, things fall, strategically placed REALLY HEAVY WEIGHT falls on yer head. Lol. But no, on the whole, I'm not a huge fan, and I think the thing with Girl Number 9 is mainly that when you actually INTRODUCE us to the antagonist in question, the one with the predilection for complicated killings, the whole thing kind of falls apart and I, personally, turn into Scott Evil and go "You've just going to leave them?!? I've got a gun in my room, Bang! Done."

You just don't get it, do you Scott?

(ETA: Also, that I KILL YOU WITH THE INTERNETS thing, it's the naughties version of all fifties horror films essentially being about the Cold War or nuclear radiation. It's a bit fucking old. Srsly.)

Comments

[aresnz.livejournal.com]

I'm getting a little disappointed in this. Sure, Joe will blow his brains out and the lunatic will let his daughter live? Ahhh..don't think so. Only two more eps..good thing they're not more than 5 minutes each..not much more of a story to tell. (in my opinion anyway) Unless..there's some huge twist at the end.


Lori

[off_coloratura]

WHAT I THINK WILL HAPPEN:

Matheson decides to kill the smug bastard, rather than give him any satisfaction (because how the fuck does the saving her part work if he's already dead; it's a hell of a leap of faith for no guarantee) and let his daughter die.

Either his daughter dies and he kills himself, or it was all a bluff and his daughter lives, in which case there can be a hilarious twist that he kills himself THINKING she's dead and orphans her, ridding her of a wishy-washy, snivelly parent. She goes on to media contracts and fame and fortune. TEH END.

[tencrush]

He is snivelly because of dead-wife-emo. Don't hold that against him.

I don't actually think the daughter will die, I'm pretty sure she'll survive and there's actually nothing rigged up that would kill her. He just wants Matheson to blow his brains out, which I reckon he'll probably do. Though why on earth Moran would think that anyone would want to watch a prequel series with that particular ending already set in stone, is anyone's guess. It'll probably be something really lame to do with the two detectives who have not yet played a significant part.

[off_coloratura]

I don't get why he wouldn't kill Matheson's daughter when he's killed all the other ones, why make that one the joke?

I do agree with you that it's looking like Matheson is dead. I just hope he takes Serial Killer with him when he goes.

[radiant-pip.livejournal.com]

That was my guess, too, after yesterday's episode. 'Cause, you know...FUNNY. Ha.

I really wish he could've spit out some questions during his emo-ing. Even rhetorical ones. I would've been shouting all sorts of things at the bastard.

Yeah, so far not impressed with the story.

[tencrush]

It just irks me that he has not yet come out with the obvious question of How do I know you'll keep your end of the bargain and HOW will you keep your end of the bargain unless she's not actually rigged up to die in the first place? He's supposed to be a brilliant detective or something.

[radiant-pip.livejournal.com]

Or something.

Yeah, you'd think some questions would be racing through his head. How is maniac man supposed to free the girl in time if he's chained up to the chair? Shouldn't Matheson offer to free him first before blowing his brains out? Although the man said he did do his research...he could have a key in his throat lining like Captain John Hart!

[tigercheetah.livejournal.com]

We - the audience - have had days to think about plot holes, Matherson only had 5 minutes.

[radiant-pip.livejournal.com]

I - as an audience member - thought about that as I was watching it...not days later.

[tigercheetah.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure you'd be thinking straight if your young daughter only had minutes to live. If Boylan was just threatening Holly without the timer, it would be a different matter.

Jack only had minutes to grab Steven once he knew what he had to do.

[radiant-pip.livejournal.com]

Of course he wouldn't be thinking straight. He'd be frantic, desperate, trying anything to think of some other way. That's why I said I would think he'd be just spouting things in a desperate attempt to figure a way out of the situation. Not ready to just shoot himself when the guy is chained up and apparently not in a position to make good on his promise.

[sleepyheathen.livejournal.com]

Cube! Just the other day I was expressing the brilliance of Cube to my mum in comparison to recent overdone horror films such as Saw.

[tencrush]

Cube's brilliant, but I do blame its cult success for the whole SAW genre. Before Cube, there was always a bad guy pretty much present in the film, and now, not so much. But the brilliance of Cube lay exactly in the whole premise that we didn't know who the bad guy was, and the paranoia that arose from that from the characters' perpectives, they didn't know why they were there or what was going on, and neither did we. Once you give that bad guy a name and say "oh, it's a serial killer who likes complicated shit," that WHOLE IDEA of not knowing who the bad guy is that made Cube work falls by the wayside and it just becomes a series of joke murders.

[radiant-pip.livejournal.com]

Yes, Cube was excellent. The (unnecessary) sequels, not so much. Plus, upping the gore factor--yay. Ugh.

[aviv-b.livejournal.com]

I'm going with shoots the bastard, hell why not. Daughter dies, kills self. Everyone does a happy dance cause its over. Yeesh.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh, let's give her something to do. Matheson offs himself, the cops burst in the door...too late! The maniac laughs and laughs. They all stand around watching the time run down and then!...nothing. Girl's restraints become lax and she's safe. Lyndon turns around and shoots maniac. The end.

Followed up by sequel...Lyndon and her remaining co-workers are still looking for the warehouse the girl is in. Will they find her in time before she starves to death???

[tencrush]

If she's built like her Dad, she'll at least have some reserves to live off.

Aw, fuck, pretend I didn't say that.

[aviv-b.livejournal.com]

You are sooo bad!

Its all a joke, cause everyone is sick of Matheson's angst.

Matheson thinks he's shooting himself, but its a cap gun. The others break in (including daughter) and a pie throwing melee ensues. Everyone is fat and happy.

Then the daughter chokes to death on a cherry pit that the psycho has secretly hidden in one of the pies and activates through the Interwebs.

Oh, the humanity!

[tencrush]

Man, when that doesn't happen tonight, I am going to be SOOO disappointed now.

[tencrush]

Its all a joke, cause everyone is sick of Matheson's angst.
That's frighteningly plausible, though. But then, like I said, it's all a bit SAW, and I wouldn't put it past Moran to rip off SAW's I'm-showing-you-you-have-something-to-live-for motivation at the end of all this.

[radiant-pip.livejournal.com]

It's all a dream!! Maybe Matheson had one too many last night and is dreaming the whole thing. The show will end on a happy note with Matheson swearing off his partying ways and rededicating himself to providing Holly with a happy homelife...cue sideways longing glance at Lyndon.

[tencrush]

The whole thing is an elaborate setup by Lyndon to get into Matheson's pants.

[aviv-b.livejournal.com]

That's it! Too many blueberry pies (not to mention the ice cream) can create very disturbing dreams.

Yes, he'll wake up and decide to have himself committed to pie and ice cream rehab.

[dr-is-in.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I got through the first 2 eps and gave up. What I can't understand is the fan worship Moran is getting from people like its a brilliant piece of work. It's not.

And Cube, besides being a fascinating story, is visually stunning as well.

[tencrush]

The third ep featured the nine-year-old getting dismembered, off-camera, while Matheson and Lyndon (I've remembered her name) watched, and it featured a sinew-tearing-bone-crunching sound effect that just made me give up on trying to figure out where in the thriller-horror-LOLEvilDead spectrum this undertaking was trying to place itself. So that, for me, was the point at which I gave up trying to appreciate it and just continued watching to see if GDL would cry. It's not so good.

Yeah, Cube was beautiful, too. It entered my top-ten-favourite-films-of-all-time list on first viewing, it's a stunning film.

[tigercheetah.livejournal.com]

With Matherson saying that he's the only thing left in Holly's life, would James Moran really be evil enough to rid Holly of her mother AND her father? Even if he does take great pleasure in killing fictional children? Could GN9 really be more depressing than COE, with no smiles to be seen anywhere?

I'm surprised at how little Tracy-Ann Oberman has been used in this, not that I'm complaining because it means more Gareth and Joe.

[tencrush]

One of the reasons I think Matheson will off himself is the fact that Tracy-Ann has been hilariously underused, which makes me suspect she'll feature more heavily in this last episode.

Would James Moran be that evil, yeah, probably. He's also been feeding that whole give-gareth-a-job-watch-it-and-make-it-a-series! vibe that's been going around which strikes me as one of those utter cuntish and clueless things Moran would do while knowing full well that GDL's character dies. Moran's a fucking moron like that, he's proven that on many occasions.

[caledonius72.livejournal.com]

I'd be srsly worried if I were GDL; every time Moran writes something he's in, his character gets killed off. I'd start to take that personally. Hopefully Moran isn't the scriptwriter for GDL's panto, can you imagine?

[radiant-pip.livejournal.com]

I'm sure Boylan will be smiling...

[caledonius72.livejournal.com]

I'm really glad that I didn't watch more than the first ep. I kept meaning too, but there were more important things to do, like laundry, talking to Himindoors, or reading badly plotted and badly spelt twuwuv fanfic and yelling at my laptop, or reading other people's LJ posts obsessively.

[tencrush]

Yeah, sorry, Gareth, I meant to watch your web thing but I was far too busy growing a moustache. You know how it is.

[caledonius72.livejournal.com]

1. Sheldon is very nummy in his whole "I'm a genius with no understanding of how normal society works" way.

ii. Yes, the tache is a-growing. I will update my LJ with a pic on Sunday.

c. Gareth, stop drinking pies and eating beer - you're a fine looking fella, but you will want to see your cock without having to look in a mirror to do so.

[tencrush]

Mmm... Sheldon. Nummy nummy.

I wonder how long it took Gareth to grow that fluffy monstrosity in your icon. Or is it just really blond?

[caledonius72.livejournal.com]

I think Watson's is a fake, stuck on with gum. It's probably from ginger nuns, on a mesh backing. It's too full and neat for GDL, i've seen pics of him in scruffy mode and his beard may be dark, but it's sparse.

[tencrush]

It probably is, I haven't seen any pictures of a decent enough size or quality to be able to judge its realness, but it's definitely an odd colour, and indeed shape.

[venusinchains.livejournal.com]

I've been watching it for GDL, though I can't say I care whether his character lives or dies. The whole thing is kinda lacking in reality for me.

But I'll put my money on Matheson living. For the hell of it.

[(Anonymous)]

I was kinda wishing he'd do it already, just to advance the plot along. What's that saying for a @20 minute show? ;)

[dune-drd.livejournal.com]

Not watching Girl Number 9, but:

Also, that I KILL YOU WITH THE INTERNETS thing, it's the naughties version of all fifties horror films essentially being about the Cold War or nuclear radiation. It's a bit fucking old. Srsly.)

Sounds TOTALLY like Fear.com

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

her desire to blow rasperries on Matheson's belly and cheer him the fuck up

If that's the prequel, I am so watching it.

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

heh, i just watched the whole thing
it was... forced drama at best that i just didn't care about and totally predictable
but you mentioned CUBE! ILU