Why a whelk...

( My prediction as to how Girl Number 9 will end... )

It's all a bit derivative, isn't it? I've mentioned SAW before, and the thing is, I really dislike the SAW series as well. Ever since the FUCKING FANTASTIC Cube, there's been a tendency in horror towards these long-distance missing-antagonist Rube Goldberg murders, and while Cube dealt with that brilliantly (seriously, if you've never seen Cube, I recommend it highly, yes, there's killings, but they're not really bloody and they're not really what the film's about, it's about paranoia and claustrophobia and it's brilliant on very many levels), everything thereafter has been a bit Doctor Evil, with that tendency towards [Doctor Evil voice]"Yes, I'm just going to put you in a glass box, fill it slowly with water, retreat to a safe distance to watch you drown on camera and assume everything goes according to plan. What?"[/Doctor Evil voice] I'm not really a huge fan of that inexplicable intricacy. I kind of prefer people just getting eaten by zombies or something. Though, to be fair, the Final Destination series has taken the Rube Goldberg Murder to hilarious extremes at times and can still ellicit a stifled giggle even from me. Fuck, they must be a breeze to write... oil drum falls over, oil comes out, wooden support slides thataway, knocks plug from plug socket, fridge goes off, water starts running out, something shorts out, door opens, knocks other support, cans roll, things fall, strategically placed REALLY HEAVY WEIGHT falls on yer head. Lol. But no, on the whole, I'm not a huge fan, and I think the thing with Girl Number 9 is mainly that when you actually INTRODUCE us to the antagonist in question, the one with the predilection for complicated killings, the whole thing kind of falls apart and I, personally, turn into Scott Evil and go "You've just going to leave them?!? I've got a gun in my room, Bang! Done."

You just don't get it, do you Scott?

(ETA: Also, that I KILL YOU WITH THE INTERNETS thing, it's the naughties version of all fifties horror films essentially being about the Cold War or nuclear radiation. It's a bit fucking old. Srsly.)

Random notes on Girl Number 9 so far. One: 3 minutes 49 seconds is NOT a five-minute episode, James Moran. Once again you're a lying liar who lies. Let's stalk him and call him names, dudes! Or maybe not.

ANYWAY, I had a bit of a problem with this whole endeavour, and subsequently I decided NOT to engross myself in any way in the pre-publicity and twitterings and such. Having not seen the show, I kind of objected to the idea that I might be required to put in pre-emptive effort in order to understand what was going on. It might not be any good, you know? And then I would have wasted my valuable internets time on something that wasn't worth it. Which is why I didn't do it, I wanted to see if it would stand up on its own, which it seems to be doing up to now. (Though I do believe I briefly got the gist that Matheson has kids, so I can see where this might be going, but okay.) So far, it's a thumbs up for me, though it is even shorter than I dreaded, Doctor Horrible's got nothing on this baby.

Gareth's beer belly is kind of mesmerising and wonderfully in-character. I wish I could ascribe it to diligent method acting as opposed to actual beer, but I am more than willing to suspend my disbelief for now. Also, episode one made me realise that I would have probably happily sat through half an hour of GDL swearing at people with that accent, and I'd willingly buy an audiobook of him just saying the word "fuck" over and over. So if anyone's reading, yeah, there's that.

I realise it's supposed to be a thriller, but do they really have to do their policing in a darkened office? You'd think someone would flip the lights on at some point in time. (Oh, and is it too early for me to say that it's all a bit SAW?)

You reckon Moran will dismember a nine-year-old next ep? Come on, he's edgy like that, people. I'm betting yes.