Alright, so I'm still watching

[tencrush]

Matheson will continue to NOT use any Earth Logic on crazy Joe and will continue to NOT address the question of how he is supposed to dial the phone to save his daughter when he has NO HEAD. He will cry a bit more and blow his brains out (this is why Moran has hinted at the possibility of a prequel, but not a sequel) just as Yvonne and co burst in the door. (Yes I am too lazy to remember her name.) Yvonne and co will waste their time being shocked at Matheson's demise and shouting at crazy Joe, all of which will result in the death of Holly due to police ineptitude. Maybe Yvonne will shoot Joe in the face because of her upset at never being able to follow through on her desire to blow rasperries on Matheson's belly and cheer him the fuck up. The End.

Moran is not capable of anything more cheery than that, mark my words.

Whichever way it pans out, Matheson's a fucking dead man. Personally, I think there'll be a massive twist involving one of these two minor characters who were Twittering all over the fucking shop, but have hardly actually been in the actual show, simply because that kind of feeds my theory that Moran really DID expect me to put in pre-emptive tweeting effort in order to understand the plot. If that's the case, he can go fuck himself with a pointy stick, because his predilection for TELLING us things outside of the things we're being SHOWN on screen (Hello Captain's Blog!) is getting on my tits. YOU'RE the writer, YOU show me, don't expect me to study up, that's not my job. My job involves a sofa and a bag of Doritos.

We shall see.

It's all a bit derivative, isn't it? I've mentioned SAW before, and the thing is, I really dislike the SAW series as well. Ever since the FUCKING FANTASTIC Cube, there's been a tendency in horror towards these long-distance missing-antagonist Rube Goldberg murders, and while Cube dealt with that brilliantly (seriously, if you've never seen Cube, I recommend it highly, yes, there's killings, but they're not really bloody and they're not really what the film's about, it's about paranoia and claustrophobia and it's brilliant on very many levels), everything thereafter has been a bit Doctor Evil, with that tendency towards [Doctor Evil voice]"Yes, I'm just going to put you in a glass box, fill it slowly with water, retreat to a safe distance to watch you drown on camera and assume everything goes according to plan. What?"[/Doctor Evil voice] I'm not really a huge fan of that inexplicable intricacy. I kind of prefer people just getting eaten by zombies or something. Though, to be fair, the Final Destination series has taken the Rube Goldberg Murder to hilarious extremes at times and can still ellicit a stifled giggle even from me. Fuck, they must be a breeze to write... oil drum falls over, oil comes out, wooden support slides thataway, knocks plug from plug socket, fridge goes off, water starts running out, something shorts out, door opens, knocks other support, cans roll, things fall, strategically placed REALLY HEAVY WEIGHT falls on yer head. Lol. But no, on the whole, I'm not a huge fan, and I think the thing with Girl Number 9 is mainly that when you actually INTRODUCE us to the antagonist in question, the one with the predilection for complicated killings, the whole thing kind of falls apart and I, personally, turn into Scott Evil and go "You've just going to leave them?!? I've got a gun in my room, Bang! Done."

You just don't get it, do you Scott?

(ETA: Also, that I KILL YOU WITH THE INTERNETS thing, it's the naughties version of all fifties horror films essentially being about the Cold War or nuclear radiation. It's a bit fucking old. Srsly.)

Comments

[tencrush]

It just irks me that he has not yet come out with the obvious question of How do I know you'll keep your end of the bargain and HOW will you keep your end of the bargain unless she's not actually rigged up to die in the first place? He's supposed to be a brilliant detective or something.

[radiant-pip.livejournal.com]

Or something.

Yeah, you'd think some questions would be racing through his head. How is maniac man supposed to free the girl in time if he's chained up to the chair? Shouldn't Matheson offer to free him first before blowing his brains out? Although the man said he did do his research...he could have a key in his throat lining like Captain John Hart!

[tigercheetah.livejournal.com]

We - the audience - have had days to think about plot holes, Matherson only had 5 minutes.

[radiant-pip.livejournal.com]

I - as an audience member - thought about that as I was watching it...not days later.