tencrush | Torchwood - Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

JACK - Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, why do you have to be so crap? Ianto's far too good for you. Seriously... what was up with that thing with Gwen? Does this make Ianto your Martha to Gwen's Rose, yes? Fuck off, dude. That Gwen scene made Jack look really bad. And Gwen. In fact, every scene with Gwen made Gwen look pretty bad in my eyes. You love Rhys and want to marry him or you don't, Gwen, stop fucking about. Same goes for Jack, you want to fuck Ianto, fuck Ianto already, you obviously already have. You want to DATE Ianto, that's a different matter, you want to suddenly be domestic because Gwen's settling down and spoken for or are you serious about him? Stop fucking people around. BOTH OF YOU. Jack and Gwen suck.

Tosh - Bless you Tosh, you're every internet fangirl rolled into one except for that bit where you want Owen, because seriously, we don't. Get over him, he's not all that good. But do keep bringing the slash and shipping the boys, you're marvellous at it. Tosh has totally watched Jack and Ianto do it on CCTV on more than one occasion, I bet she's set up a feed directly to her house. You go, girl.

IANTO!!!! - Oh, goodness, EVERYONE WANTS TO DO YOU, and what's more you've finally picked up on this fact, yes? Good boy! Ianto was, once again, made of complete win this episode. Baffled-look-at-gun? WIN. Calling-a-taxi-while-the-rest-faff-about-like-children? WIN. Flustered-if-I-say-yes-will-you-go-away-date-face? WIN. Pissed-off-in-lift-but-totally-cool-with-being-propositioned-and-referred-to-as-eye-candy-attitude? WIN. Impending-death-stopwatch-glee? WIN. And seriously... Momentarily-quite-seriously-taking-into-consideration-the-possibility-of-having-an-orgy-with-the-team-and-Captain-John? Christ, dude, here, have Torchwood, fire the rest of them, take over the show, do whatever the hell you want. You win. I'm yours. I was totally right about you, now please, turn out to be a manwhorespy and I'll hunt you down and marry you. By force if necessary.

Gwen - Yeah, well, the less said about you the better. Stop fucking Rhys around. Whore. And I don't even like Rhys!

I am already sooo looking forward to the return of Captain John, he ruled. The poodle thing made me choke.

Seriously, there were some things I didn't like about the episode, the DNA thing was another one of those Bad Skience copouts that NewWho seems very good at, and some of it was slightly TOO let's-take-the-piss-out-of-ourselves for comfort, but overall, that was a fucking ace episode. I only hope they can keep that up.