PHONE!IANTOE PICSPAM - part the first

[tencrush]

Allright, allright, I did say I was going to do a picspam of the MOST AWESOME THING IN THE WORLD, and while I may have said that SIX BLOODY MONTHS AGO, that doesn't mean it's not on the cards RIGHT BLOODY NOW. I present to you Part One of a Multi-Part series in which I picspam the most awesome thing in the world, the title of which kind of gives away what that most awesome thing might be. It is called:

IANTO JONES IS ON THE PHONE

Yeah, so, obviously, the most awesome thing in the world is Ianto Jones. Even more awesome than Ianto Jones, is Ianto Jones on the phone. Okay, so that's a reasonably specific and kind of weird fetish for me to be throwing out there at you all, but bear with me. It's hawt. Let's press on:



I forgot how much Ianto is actually NOT in series one of Torchwood. This, in Cyberwoman, is the first instance we see of Ianto on the phone. Immediately, Ianto's later fate becomes apparent by the dog-on-face moment right here (no, I don't own the dvds, sue me). BBCTHREE on your head is never a good sign. But yeah, look, Ianto on the phone! Doesn't he have weird feet? Have I mentioned that before? Anyways, here he is on the phone some more:



I think this is where he talks about how Jack was whining that his spunk tasted of lager and fags and he should eat more veg or something? I was capping, guys, but I HAD THE SOUND OFF. Anyways, then Cyberwoman happens and Ianto does a lot of crying, but isn't actually on the phone, which is what we're here to see. So we shall move along.

Ianto isn't, in fact, on the phone again until:



They Keep Killing Suzie. Where he's not only ON the phone, but actually FIXES the phone! He's so technically competent.



And then he gives it to Jack. And then Jack does the most plottastically far-fetched things with it, then they kill Suzie again and then there's that thing where Ianto smirks about a stopwatch. Those things are all interesting, but none of those things involve a phone.

Technically, this next thing doesn't really involve a phone either, but Ianto has so little screentime in the next few episodes that any sighting of him with his bluetooth headset in his ear is worthy of a screencap. He's in the background of Random Shoes for all of 30 seconds, so I thought I'd draw some attention to Ianto and his phone by jazzing the whole thing up a bit:



There you go.

Out of Time. Come on, it's Out of Time and Ianto's on an anachronistic phone! Lol! I wish I believed that there were people who planned it that way, but there ain't, it's just crazy coincidence. It's still funny, though.



Combat's a bit of a crappy episode, looking back, isn't it? Ianto has a phone, though. Yes, I know, the Ianto-phone links are getting just a tad tenuous at this point, but please bear with me. He's pretty. Fuck me, he's pretty in series one, isn't he? Holy crap.



He's also on the phone:



Actually, I think he probably wasn't on the phone there, but like I said, the bluetooth headset TOTALLY COUNTS.

We now move on to Captain Jack Harkness. For the purposes of this picspam, I have to tell you that Ianto pretty much spends THIS ENTIRE EPISODE ON THE PHONE. Which is good, because it means I have to show you lots of stills. For the sake of completion, of course. What with this being a phone-based picspam. The fact that this shirt-waistcoat-tie combo thing is... well... you know...



It's, ummm... yeah...



I mean it's just a shirt and a waistcoat and a tie and, obviously, the picspam is about the phone, and not about the... what?



Yes... hello, what?


Sorry, I had to leave for some private time. Where was I? It's about the phone. Really. It is.



[Iantoes serious fayce]Yes, Whelk. It's about the phone. I believe you.[/Iantoes serious fayce]

Thank you, Ianto, at least someone does. Hey, Ianto... can you do phone fingers again for me?



Like this?

Yeah, like that. (I must point out at this junction that I don't really talk to the fictional character Ianto Jones in my head. Not much, anyway.) ONWARDS!



LOOK, IT SAYS TORCHWOOD! I'll bet you an Earth pound that Ianto's fucking cock has the word TORCHWOOD tattooed across it. Which is only of interest when it's erect, obviously. In its usual flaccid state, it just has a big, black stain on one side. YOU'RE A FUCKING WEIRDO, IANTO JONES.



PHONE FINGERS SOME MORE!



AND AGAIN!!



Ianto finds the amount of caps I have chosen to take from this episode disturbing. Well, you know what? Ianto can SHUT THE FUCK UP.



Hello? I can't hear you, let me do phone fingers again.



Ah... finally Ianto stops doing phone fingers and segues into tight-lipped-determination-or-maybe-disbelief-while-wearing-phone-headset. Bless him.



He's still wearing the headset so this cap is allowed. Before you even start. This cap, by the way, reminds me how often Ianto does this watery-eyed just-about-to-cry-from-the-pressure-of-it-all look. I think this look is why a lot of people perceive him as a bit of a whingy, crying girl, this despite the fact that Ianto cried about three times on screen, compared with Jack's bajillion tears of woe. I digress.



Embossed headset? Check.
Embossed gun? Check.
Biggest embossed cock in the room? Check.
Right, time to shoot Owen. Heh.

I love it when Ianto shoots Owen. No, he's not on the phone, I know. Who cares?

Ianto is also NOT ON THE PHONE in End of Days, so headsets will have to do:



I've-just-stunned-a-weevil-headset



Gwen's-doing-that-face-get-me-out-of-here-headset



Conflicted-headset.

AND THEN THERE'S A BAD CGI MONSTER AND THEN JACK COMES BACK AND THERE'S KISSING AND THEN THE TARDIS.

Yeah, so I sort of flew through those last few stills, simply because everything pales in comparison to CJH. Phone-wise, I mean. Yeah. PHONE-WISE *wink*.


And that was that for Series One of Torchwood, and Ianto's phonesex shenanigans.

Stay tuned for part two, in which there is INVISIPHONE! and PRETENDSARCASTICPHONE! and MUCH, MUCH MORE. And also, let's face it, there's a wee bit more of Ianto to love in Series 2. Just sayin'.

Comments

[julesjones]

LOOK, IT SAYS TORCHWOOD! I'll bet you an Earth pound that Ianto's fucking cock has the word TORCHWOOD tattooed across it. Which is only of interest when it's erect, obviously. In its usual flaccid state, it just has a big, black stain on one side. YOU'RE A FUCKING WEIRDO, IANTO JONES.

I did not need that shoehorned into my head when I'm supposed to be writing porn I'll actually get paid for.

Other than that, thank you for this service to humanity. [Goes back to look at the pretty some more.]

[bandgeek01.livejournal.com]

Ohhh Ianto on the phone. Why that is lovely :)

[rexluscus.livejournal.com]

Ianto on the phone! Ah, this has made my day. Lord, he was pretty in that first series. That bit where he hands the phone to Jack is so hot. I mean...isn't it? It must be the suggestion of "I'm about to give you a blowjob" in the way they're positioned in the frame.

[tencrush]

It's not as good as this one:



There's some hilarious shit going on in that episode when it comes to subtle visual setup for the stopwatch scene.

[forgiveninasong.livejournal.com]

Ianto is on the phone PLUS Ianto is on his headset PLUS Ianto hand!pr0n. OMG.

[gogo-didi.livejournal.com]

I could go for more 'Ianto holding a gun', but 'Ianto on the phone' works for me too! :-)

[gogo-didi.livejournal.com]

Plus, I am loving your banner!

[ceindreadh.livejournal.com]

I'll bet you an Earth pound that Ianto's fucking cock has the word TORCHWOOD tattooed across it. Which is only of interest when it's erect, obviously. In its usual flaccid state, it just has a big, black stain on one side.

Nah, it probably says Torchwood when it's flaccid, when it's erect it says "Torchwood: outside the government, beyond the police. Fighting for the future on behalf of the human race." All in perfectly legible (large) lettering.

[caledonius72.livejournal.com]

You've got my vote on that one.

[love-jackianto.livejournal.com]

Oh, Ianto you sexy phone using beast.

[fide-et-spe.livejournal.com]

This made me very happy thanks. I like the phone because it emphasises the hands. But, anyhow, the headset does count as it still leads to phone fingers.

Great work and I'm so pleased to see you enhanced Random Shoes.

[tencrush]

I had to put Random Shoes in, because he looks totally hot in Random Shoes despite only being on screen for about a minute. And he looks different in Random Shoes, like it was filmed after the rest of S1, because I swear he has a different haircut.

[cageyklio.livejournal.com]

Phone fingers, whoot!

[venusinchains.livejournal.com]

Yay!

"LOOK, IT SAYS TORCHWOOD!"
lololololol. (There's really nowhere that stamp doesn't turn up, is there?)

"Out of Time and Ianto's on an anachronistic phone!"
Too cute! Much cuter than GDL as Watson using a 1940s phone in the 1800s.

So much pretty...
Looking forward to more 'pie-candy' in pt 2 - because I really don't see any here ;-).

[caledonius72.livejournal.com]

I think the pie-candy is in the Series That Shall Not Be Named, S2 is the crossover from eye to pie.

[lawsontl.livejournal.com]

But is the phone a tool by which he exercises his status as Alpha!Ianto? Crossover your picspams, and you'll really make my day. This is what is important. Unadulterated porntastic deconstruction of random shit!

[caledonius72.livejournal.com]

He's so pretty it hurts. Wrinkle free, clear skin, nom nom nom.

And the phones! I think I've discovered a new kink. NICE!

Nevermind the mammoth cock, it's the lips. It's all about the lips - the proto-pout, the lip nibble, the way his mouth is always slightly open, you just want to take a finger and trace their outline. The man has got CSL* - trufax.

And then when you're done teasing his lips, then you just have to [CENSORED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT]

* Cock Sucking Lips.

[tencrush]

I spent the whole of the first series of TW completely obsessed with that boy's mouth, it's gorgeous. Looking back now, it does give me the urge to hand him a chapstick sometimes. But it's still gorgeous.

[x-starfuckers.livejournal.com]

Holy fucking fuck. This is a thing of beauty.

[pocky_slash.livejournal.com]

I cannot, in words, express my appreciation of this picspam. In fact, the only way I can express my appreciation involves some alone time with me and this picspam.

I keep going back to look at that picture where he's tapping the headset and looking down with the weird stripey shadows on his face. Jesus fuck he's pretty.

[electro-club.livejournal.com]

What she said.


Dio Santo. :O

[nancybrown.livejournal.com]

I thoroughly approve of this picspam, omg.

[jooles34.livejournal.com]

Oh, such a pretty, sexy, funny way to finish a Sunday. Week will atart in a happy place, thank you.

[rose71.livejournal.com]

Here via torchwood_three. I was having a bad day. This awesome picspam has restored my faith in awesomeness!

Those lips... those eyes... those hands... that waistcoat... But most of all, phone!Ianto makes geeky competence look sexy. Lovin' that officey feel, as Jack would say (and Jack is occasionally right about some things).

[jo02]

**noisy sounds of licking the screen**

I'm sorry - did you say something?

[aviv-b.livejournal.com]

Oh he's such a fresh-faced kid in S1. And not a pie in sight. These pictures make me want to hug him, and kiss him, and fondle the big Torchwood logo he's got hidden away!

I'm not a huge fan of Ianto double piece of pie with icecream on top. Just..no.

[fide-et-spe.livejournal.com]

I always think he is lovely, he looks so nice in S2 and CoE in some of those suits, but you know it does amaze me how much so many of us "expand" with age, and I guess GDL did S1 in those heady days of early 20's when you don't ever watch what you eat or drink and still stay trim. For me it lasted until earl 30's then reality his, but I know it differs for everyone.

[cionaudha.livejournal.com]

Oh, the cheekbones! The graceful hands! The sulky lips which I must bite! The watery-eyed just-about-to-cry-from-the-pressure-of-it-all look!

Mother FUCK.

[radiant-pip.livejournal.com]

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Season one Ianto...ummm...and on the phone looking hawt...double ummm.

And I never noticed the "Torchwood" branding on the headset before. LOL

[off_coloratura]

Yum, yum phonefingers and phone lips. I could look at these all day.

[tigercheetah.livejournal.com]

Oooooooh that mouth and those eyes!!!

[virginhuntress.livejournal.com]

I love you.

Just... really, really love you for doing this.


ALSO! Ianto+headset+purple shirt = kink I didn't know I had.

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

ILU and the purple shirt+darkwaistcoat+tie combo
in fact, we should just watch the ianto bits from that episode and nothing else
i am now going to steal your screencaps and make icons