Hello there

[tencrush]

For those of you who have expressed an interest: Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking, RL happened and I suffered from a bout of interwebennui. I'm still alive.

News in brief from my lengthy absence:

• GDL is getting married. (I'm so old and cynical, whenever I hear of anyone under thirty getting married, a voice in my head says "Oh. Pregnant, is she?" Irrelevant, but true.) So, yeah. Good luck to him and all that. I'm always vaguely squicked by people who express anything more than a kind of meh-that's-nice-good-luck-to-them attitude to celebrity couplings and such, whether it be of the OMGNOOOO! variety, which is fucking scary in and of itself, or the equally bizarre kind of SQUEEEEE!They'resocutetogether!!11!! overreaction, which just creeps me out in a different way. I mean, what are you basing this squee on? You think they look good in pictures? You've seen them in the flesh and they looked happy? What? You don't fucking know these people. They're getting married. Move along now. Next!


• Planet of the Dead. Planet of the Fucking Dead. Ummm, yeah. I liked Malcolm, will that do? It's not so much that I HATED Lady Christina de Souza as a character, it's the fact that the whole idea of Lady Christina de Souza made me HATE the writing. I mean, I suppose she was okay in a way. Except that she kept telling us how wonderful she was. And she was wearing lycra. And had a bag of tricks that was so fucking predictable it made setting number 354689 on the sonic screwdriver look positively groundbreakingly original. And she had a name that came straight out of the sort of stories eleven year olds write when they first venture into writing Mary Sue romance fiction. It's not so much that I HATED the woman I was seeing on screen, but that, while watching I hated the writers who brought her into existence, because they had to be A) mocking us or B) mentally deficient. No. And, apart from anything else, it comes back to that whole thing that Rusty and co are so good at doing, which is Bigging Themselves Up and telling us all that they're going to concentrate their efforts on making not a whole series but a few HUGE HAPPENING episodes that will be MIND-BOGGLINGLY GOOD AND BLOW US ALL AWAY WITH THEIR AWESOMENESS. And then we get a kind of mid-series story about a bus and the only really mind-bogglingly exciting thing about it is that it was filmed IN DUBAI for no apparent reason other than that it was quite obviously sponsored by the Dubai tourist board. See, the thing is about mind-bogglingly AWESOME episodes, guys, is that they're not AWESOME by virtue of how AWESOME a time you had on your various free holidays prepping/scouting/filming in Dubai, but by how AWESOME the story is and how much we as an audience are blown away by it. And I'm not generally BLOWN AWAY by a reasonably entertaining story, the moral of which being that if you're a lycra-wearing aristocrat, the Doctor will think you are awesome, snog you and let you off for your criminal behaviour, leaving you to go on your merry way and wreak more upper-class havoc on an unsuspecting public, but this time with the aid of a flying bus. It's my own fault, of course. Upon hearing of these SELECT FEW SUPER-SPECIAL SPECIALS, I kind of got carried away in my thinking and went "OOOOH!! I bet one of them's about the Time War and has Eccleston in it! Maybe there'll be a Ten-Doctors-type-thing! Whatever it is they'll be SUPER SPECIAL!!!" Which, of course, is a stupid thing to think. They'll just be normal episodes, except marginally longer and filmed in exotic locations that could have been a studio and we wouldn't have cared. Perhaps the next one will be sponsored by the country of Writing-An-Awesome-Companion-Who-Isn't-Just-Awesome-Because-She-Says-So-And-Also-Is-Not-Solely-Awesome-By-Virtue-Of-Her-Having-Met-The-Doctor. Maybe then I'll be happy. (Yeah, yeah, I know, Donna was AWESOME. But she doesn't count because her awesome was tainted by A)us constantly being told she was old and/or unattractive and B)her awesome being removed at the last minute, thus reducing her awesome to an awesome that was bestowed upon her and then taken away again by the Doctor, leaving her back at the slightly objectionable and vapid state of unawesomeness she was in before she met him.)


• MY PHOTOSHOP MUSE HAS LEFT ME!!!! In other words, the woman who made the hugely offensive and objectionable photoshop Jack/Ianto monstrosities with the big cocks has friends-locked her journal and will only accept friending applications from simpering well-wishers whose arsekissing comments are love. Can I really be bothered to create a sock account for the sole purpose of seeing her godawful manipulations? And how long would it take her to sniff me out of the well-over-a-hundred friend applications she's had since flocking and find her way back here? She certainly doesn't come across as hugely intelligent or technosavvy. Could I call it a social experiment if I were to do such a thing? Is there a law against reposting photomanips for the sole purpose of animating the huge, veiny cocks involved? Is there a moral objection? Stay tuned while I ponder these issues.

I now return you to my regularly scheduled no-updates-unless-the-world-collapses.

Comments

[love-jackianto.livejournal.com]

'What? You don't fucking know these people. They're getting married. Move along now. Next!'
When I heard that Gareth was getting married all I thought was, good for him... so yeah.

'MY PHOTOSHOP MUSE HAS LEFT ME!!!!'
NO!! Seeing your Photoshop sporkings was always the highlight of my day.

[tencrush]

I vow to return to world of shitty photoshopping if it kills me.

[love-jackianto.livejournal.com]

Neat. I can't wait to see what you come up with.

[off_coloratura]

I agree one hundred percent with everything you said about Planet of the Dead. For THIS we waited four months? I adored Malcolm as well only he got a bit RTD-fanboy at the end there. Still, adorable, wish there'd been more of him and less of Lady Mary De Sue-za. God, I cheered when he was gonna let her get arrested. The look on her face when she realized her smug charms weren't going to get her out of this one almost made the previous 45 minutes of snogging the Doctor and talking about how awesome she was worth it. Then they had to throw it all to shit.

I want to encourage you to infiltrate her LJ, but if your takeoff manips, which are what I really love, she may very well catch wise to it and stop altogether. So, I am torn.

[tencrush]

She didn't flock it because of me, though. She says it was because of someone trying to sell her "work".

[love-jackianto.livejournal.com]

'She says it was because of someone trying to sell her 'work'.'
*points to icon.* Who would ANYONE want to sale it? Although I do have to wonder why anyone would BUY it.

[cionaudha.livejournal.com]

Is there really a market for unintentionally hilarious pornographic pictures with blatantly pastede-on heads?

Because I could totally do that. Who couldn't use a little extra income? Gotta get that Ianto action figure somehow!

[love-jackianto.livejournal.com]

'Because I could totally do that. Who couldn't use a little extra income? Gotta get that Ianto action figure somehow!'
Me too! I want that action figure, I really do.

[off_coloratura]

...

...

WHAT!?

Ok, setting aside the fact that her work is composed entirely of images that are NOT HERS ANYWAY, which means she has no rights to them regardless,

WHO ON EARTH WOULD PAY MONEY FOR THAT???

[tencrush]

Yah, I said "trying", not "succeeding". I don't know who'd pay money for that, but in my quest to find out where the shitty manips live these days, I am coming up TRUMPS, I tell you. Sadly no TW yet, though.

[off_coloratura]

*cheers for trumps in shitty manips*

You can MAKE them Torchwood manips. You have the technology.

[cionaudha.livejournal.com]

HELLO!

Addressing only the most important topic:

There are plenty of shit-awful manips out there. Surely you could branch out a bit? Because these people will NEVER LEARN unless YOU show them The Way.

Also, because you're fucking hilarious.

[tencrush]

Again, I have to admit, I don't really travel in any shitty-manip-circles. Is there a Torchwoodcockmanip community I could draw inspiration from?

[cionaudha.livejournal.com]

Not that I know of, though that would be a blast.

Deviantart is a petri dish just teeming with shitty manips and blind-making fan art. I like to stroll over there when I'm feeling too well-balanced and affable.

[tencrush]

I CANNOT FIND ANY MANIPS AT DEVIANTART. What should I be searching for? Also: Why is torchwood slash photomanipulation all closed-community? IT'S NOT THAT SPECIAL OR EVEN GOOD. I don't get it.

[mellacita.livejournal.com]

Hey, I was thinking about you the other day. Hope all is well on the home front.

AS for GDL, I congratulate them but it doesn't really affect me one way or another. :P

[nostalgia-lj.livejournal.com]

I didn't mind Christina, which may show how far I've come to expect RTD companions to be oversold. That and I think it was doing a whole thing about how they were perfect together and even that wasn't enough to get past his emo manpain.

And SHUSH it is totally normal for someone to, say, secretly wish David and Sophia would get back together somehow.

[tencrush]

how far I've come to expect RTD companions to be oversold
Yeah, that. It was weird, I didn't mind her as a character so much as pitied Michelle Ryan and kind of went "oh, I'm sorry, love, this is all he can write" at her on screen constantly. Being that it was a Special, I was kind of hoping (this is my New Who problem, I'm constantly getting my hopes up for greatness) that they'd do something SPECIAL with the companion for once. I was spoiled for the fact that she was an aristocrat thief, so I thought maybe she'd be some sort of anti-companion, and maybe the Doctor, for once, just wouldn't like her, instead of gushing over her like he does with all under-30 human wimmins. We ended up with just another bog standard Russell-special-companion-chick who doesn't realise how awesome/special/really-good-and-not-evil she is until she meets the Doctor and they gush at each other but then she dies/doesn't come with him because it's a special and we were never going to keep her in the first place. I expected more originality from a team that's only writing two/three episodes a year at the moment.

[nostalgia-lj.livejournal.com]

I liked their burning UST but it's not really anything new that we haven't seen half a dozen times before.

[tencrush]

Yeah, and how DARE Gareth leave Sarah Lloyd Gregory, man? I was fangirlishly INVESTED in their quadruple-barreled Welsh relationship for reasons which I have not yet even begun to understand. The marriage news has made me weep. GO BACK TO YOUR ONE TRUE LOVE AND MAKE PALE WELSH BABIES DAMN YOU!!!!

[slgfan.livejournal.com]

I am a huge fan of Sara's and loved their relationship. For some unhealthy reason, I do not like Gemma as much. I think he should get back with Sara, but unfortunately it's not my decision it's his. :( So I'm happy for him. Well, I can hope for a Sara and Gareth reunion because he is not married yet. Ha! I know my obsession is unhealthy (I'm working on it) but I still secretly hope. :)

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

lady whatsherface bugged me, but i do now kinda want an armoured flying manta-ray (as long as it doesn't eat me)

[venusinchains.livejournal.com]

Glad you're still around. :)
~
I was kinda expecting GDL to marry that one. We've been hearing about her at all his appearances and film locations for over a year now, haven't we?
~
Malcolm was great - such a geek. And I especially liked the nod to Quatermass (as I'm a fan of one of the movies and have heard that TW S3 has similarities to the 1978(?) TV serial) - because I'm a geek too.
~
I kept comparing CDS to Jack - Nine's other criminal companion - and she was just too selfish, not as self-sacrificing by half, to really deserve the comparison. (I think they were trying to make her worthy by having Nine decide, aloud, that she wasn't so much interested in stealing as in having a thrill. But Jack was wronged by an agency that had stolen his memories. I'm thinking RTD should maybe try on another male companion, he ultimately gives them (well, him) slightly more human treatment (as in: they do wrong, are done wrong and get abandoned).

Edit: I mean: Jack did wrong himself, was done wrong by someone other than the doctor and/or his situation (and then also by something/someone to do with the doctor) and was then abandoned by the doctor, making his situation different from the female-companion trope we've been seeing.

[tigercheetah.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to see you're still around, I was wondering where you'd got to the other day - being one of the more interesting people in Torchwood fandom. :)

I'm happy for Gareth and Gemma and I hope it all goes well for them but the cynical side of me will be surprised if they're still together in 10 years time.

Planet of the Dead? It was OK but not worthy of the words 'special' since I've seen far better standard episodes such as Blink.

[tencrush]

Gemma! That's her name. I couldn't even be arsed to look that up, I figured someone would mention it sooner or later.

[fujiko-2708.livejournal.com]

Oh, welcome back! I was thinking about you just the other day :)

I think the photoshop!pornwoman locked her LJ also because Gareth said at the Hub that he himself was kind of upset with the thing. I think the poor girl got offended! Really, how can he be so insensitive not to appreciate her fine Art??? :D

[tencrush]

WHAT A BASTARD! How can you not appreciate having your head pasteded on to full frontal cockery?? I mean! Really! It's flattering!

[coffee-kris.livejournal.com]

Hee! I have nothing really to comment on above, except to say I *also* immediately thought GDL had knocked up his girl. Or that he *will* because with all the Barrowman kissing he's been doing at all those lovely cons that I can't go to (dammit) and now that he's kissed Matt Rippy (man, where are the Matt/Gareth and Ianto/Real Jack fanfics?), he's got to prove he's a straight heterosexual who can get his girl married/pregnant. Oh and he's going to Torchsong, where I'm sure he'll be rogered ONSTAGE by at least Barrowman if not all the other actors, and dammit if I can't go even though it's only 4.5 hours away. And *where* are the vids of said kisses, btw? Am I just not moving in the right circle? Is there some tamping down of vids of snogging at cons that I'm unaware of? Because I so want to see all of that, not just clicks but vids.

So apparently I did have something to say, but I haven't seen the manips you mention (other than your awesome intentionally funny ones) and I haven't watched Planet of the Dead. But I had to say "hi" because I've been equally eaten by RL, reduced to barely reading but I have missed your funny and sarcastic wit, not to mention the news and notes you feed us all with.

So anyway hi and welcome back and here's hoping we both get to be online more!

Glad to see you back!

[satanassa.livejournal.com]

Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing out explicitly my feelings when I watched 'Planet of the Dead'. What was that about?!! If I wanted to watch such cliche-filled, Hollywoodised rubbish, I'd just rewatch 'Mission Impossible', which didn't have pretensions to be anything else.
And the glaringly unanswered question is: What happened to the golden goblet of Athelstane in the end???

Regarding Lady C de Souza: This character was so disappointing! She did not show any growth at all in the episode, and remained completely self-centred until the very end.

Anyway I repeat: I am glad to see you back!