tencrush | Hello there (Reply)

For those of you who have expressed an interest: Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking, RL happened and I suffered from a bout of interwebennui. I'm still alive.

News in brief from my lengthy absence:

GDL is getting married. (I'm so old and cynical, whenever I hear of anyone under thirty getting married, a voice in my head says "Oh. Pregnant, is she?" Irrelevant, but true.) So, yeah. Good luck to him and all that. I'm always vaguely squicked by people who express anything more than a kind of meh-that's-nice-good-luck-to-them attitude to celebrity couplings and such, whether it be of the OMGNOOOO! variety, which is fucking scary in and of itself, or the equally bizarre kind of SQUEEEEE!They'resocutetogether!!11!! overreaction, which just creeps me out in a different way. I mean, what are you basing this squee on? You think they look good in pictures? You've seen them in the flesh and they looked happy? What? You don't fucking know these people. They're getting married. Move along now. Next!

Planet of the Dead. Planet of the Fucking Dead. Ummm, yeah. I liked Malcolm, will that do? It's not so much that I HATED Lady Christina de Souza as a character, it's the fact that the whole idea of Lady Christina de Souza made me HATE the writing. I mean, I suppose she was okay in a way. Except that she kept telling us how wonderful she was. And she was wearing lycra. And had a bag of tricks that was so fucking predictable it made setting number 354689 on the sonic screwdriver look positively groundbreakingly original. And she had a name that came straight out of the sort of stories eleven year olds write when they first venture into writing Mary Sue romance fiction. It's not so much that I HATED the woman I was seeing on screen, but that, while watching I hated the writers who brought her into existence, because they had to be A) mocking us or B) mentally deficient. No. And, apart from anything else, it comes back to that whole thing that Rusty and co are so good at doing, which is Bigging Themselves Up and telling us all that they're going to concentrate their efforts on making not a whole series but a few HUGE HAPPENING episodes that will be MIND-BOGGLINGLY GOOD AND BLOW US ALL AWAY WITH THEIR AWESOMENESS. And then we get a kind of mid-series story about a bus and the only really mind-bogglingly exciting thing about it is that it was filmed IN DUBAI for no apparent reason other than that it was quite obviously sponsored by the Dubai tourist board. See, the thing is about mind-bogglingly AWESOME episodes, guys, is that they're not AWESOME by virtue of how AWESOME a time you had on your various free holidays prepping/scouting/filming in Dubai, but by how AWESOME the story is and how much we as an audience are blown away by it. And I'm not generally BLOWN AWAY by a reasonably entertaining story, the moral of which being that if you're a lycra-wearing aristocrat, the Doctor will think you are awesome, snog you and let you off for your criminal behaviour, leaving you to go on your merry way and wreak more upper-class havoc on an unsuspecting public, but this time with the aid of a flying bus. It's my own fault, of course. Upon hearing of these SELECT FEW SUPER-SPECIAL SPECIALS, I kind of got carried away in my thinking and went "OOOOH!! I bet one of them's about the Time War and has Eccleston in it! Maybe there'll be a Ten-Doctors-type-thing! Whatever it is they'll be SUPER SPECIAL!!!" Which, of course, is a stupid thing to think. They'll just be normal episodes, except marginally longer and filmed in exotic locations that could have been a studio and we wouldn't have cared. Perhaps the next one will be sponsored by the country of Writing-An-Awesome-Companion-Who-Isn't-Just-Awesome-Because-She-Says-So-And-Also-Is-Not-Solely-Awesome-By-Virtue-Of-Her-Having-Met-The-Doctor. Maybe then I'll be happy. (Yeah, yeah, I know, Donna was AWESOME. But she doesn't count because her awesome was tainted by A)us constantly being told she was old and/or unattractive and B)her awesome being removed at the last minute, thus reducing her awesome to an awesome that was bestowed upon her and then taken away again by the Doctor, leaving her back at the slightly objectionable and vapid state of unawesomeness she was in before she met him.)

MY PHOTOSHOP MUSE HAS LEFT ME!!!! In other words, the woman who made the hugely offensive and objectionable photoshop Jack/Ianto monstrosities with the big cocks has friends-locked her journal and will only accept friending applications from simpering well-wishers whose arsekissing comments are love. Can I really be bothered to create a sock account for the sole purpose of seeing her godawful manipulations? And how long would it take her to sniff me out of the well-over-a-hundred friend applications she's had since flocking and find her way back here? She certainly doesn't come across as hugely intelligent or technosavvy. Could I call it a social experiment if I were to do such a thing? Is there a law against reposting photomanips for the sole purpose of animating the huge, veiny cocks involved? Is there a moral objection? Stay tuned while I ponder these issues.

I now return you to my regularly scheduled no-updates-unless-the-world-collapses.