You doubt my powers??

[tencrush]

Ah, people are calling my predictive powers into question now, so I thought I'd see how I did on the Torchwood front with my TABLE OF DOOM. And yes, check out the tag, most of my Torchwood predictions have been WAYYY wrong, but have also been mostly for the luls, to be fair to myself just a little bit. I'm good on the important stuff, like Rose leaving Who and Ianto being a BIG WHOREISH MANSLUT. But look at this one, this one was fun. Before your time, kiddoes, but fun nonetheless:

THE TORCHWOOD TABLE OF DOOM, AKA YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT

WHAT I WANT	WHAT I'LL GET	WHAT I GOT
Ianto Jones: l33t button-nosed welsh-voweled cute-suited agenda-carrying sekritly-trained-ninja manwhorespy	Ianto Jones: Jack Harkness' button-nosed welsh-voweled cute-suited spineless fawning submissive boycandy fucktoy of a wife	Ummmm... WRONG!! Wait, did Torchwood actually give me what I wanted there? That can't be right. Shall we say we got a lot from column A and a bit from column B?
Gwen gets her comeuppance for her appalling behaviour last season, especially the retcon thing	Gwen gets happily married and knocked up because SHE IS BETTER THAN ALL OF US	Yeah, that's pretty much what I got, apart from the knocked up thing.
Tosh in a happy, healthy relationship because she deserves it	Tosh as a sad old geek spinster, because she's a nerd, yo	Tosh as a DEAD geek spinster, because she's a nerd, yo. Yep. Check.
Tosh's cleavage	Owen's nipples	Owen's DEAD BLUE NIPPLES AND GAPING WOUND. I don't think I could have been much righter on this one. (Though we did, also, get Tosh's cleavage, but that wasn't real Tosh, was it?)
Naked Ianto	Naked Rhys	That's a tough one. We got hothouse naked Ianto, but given his pie status at the time it might as well have been naked Rhys. So was I right or wrong?
Shiny teeth	Shiny teeth	Shiny teeth.
Gratuitous mankissing	Gratuitous mankissing	Yes. Gratuitous mankissing.
Big coats	Big coats	Bingo.

See? I'm not so bad, really. Mostly. A bit. Sometimes.

Comments

[off_coloratura]

To be fair, Gwen DID get knocked up. Just not with her own kid.

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

For that matter, she got her comeuppance. It's just that, when she was shrieking her brains out over Rhys' bloody corpse, a small dog did not ride a bicycle through the heavens with a banner proclaiming BET YOU'RE SORRY NOW BEEYUCH, so nobody clocked it.

[tencrush]

It's not that people didn't clock it, I don't think, it's the fact that it was undone and he didn't stay dead, which people took the wrong way (though everyone loves Rhys) as being some sort of Get Out Of Jail Free card for Gwen, like it was different for Gwen and she could behave appalingly, with these DIRE TERRIBLE consequences, but those things won't really count and they'll go away simply because she's Gwen.

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

Surely Gwen's second chance with the Rhysmeister is a direct cause of her championing him in S2.

[tencrush]

Well, yes, but people didn't know how she was going to behave towards him in S2, so they had plenty of time to hold a grudge while they waited. Personally, I quite grew to like Gwen in S2, but a lot of people never really forgave her for S1.

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

Methinks you speak a wiseness.

[antelope-writes.livejournal.com]

Now, now, now, be nice to the Rhys-meister. Some of us like the teddy-bear man-type. A lot.

(To everybody who thought Rhys' bum in S1 was fan disservice, I bite my thumb at you.)

[love-jackianto.livejournal.com]

'Some of us like the teddy-bear man-type. A lot.'
I know I found Ianto more attractive in Series 2 than Series 1 because he wasn't so thin (the word that comes to mind is cuddly).

hahahahahahahahahaha

[phaedra4real.livejournal.com]

You funny :-)


You actually predicted Owen's nipples???

:-P

[love-jackianto.livejournal.com]

'Yeah, that's pretty much what I got, apart from the knocked up thing.'
Who knows, the knocked up thing could still happen. I read something that said that in series 3 Rhys/Gwen have a crisis (yawn) and my first thought was she finds out she's pregnant. I'm betting that if that does happen in series 3, Gwen being pregnant will be the biggest story arch of series 4 (if there is a series 4). How much you want to bet that Jack delivers the baby?

[lorem_ipsum]

No, Ianto will deliver the baby; Jack will hold Gwen's hand during labor because Rhys will be unconscious, possibly from fainting.

[love-jackianto.livejournal.com]

'No, Ianto will deliver the baby; Jack will hold Gwen's hand during labor because Rhys will be unconscious, possibly from fainting.'
Of course, and once Ianto gives Gwen the baby she and Jack will look lovely into each others eyes and almost kiss; it's not like having his boyfriend and her husband being RIGHT THERE has ever stopped them.

[alba17.livejournal.com]

LOL! Since I didn't get on LJ until April or May 08, this is interesting. Does it matter that Tosh's cleavage was Adam!Tosh? I think not. You were sadly right on Tosh as sad old geek spinster, and then she got killed off too! Hey, we saw Owen's nipples quite a bit, didn't we (oh some was in S1).

Oh, so critical of hothouse!GDL - I totally disagree on that one. No, no, no, I definitely do not think it may as well have been Rhys. At least there wasn't a naked Ianto in Stolen Earth. Yay for the gratuitous mankissing, shiny teeth and big coats.

Isn't a character getting pregnant a major jump the shark moment? Seriously, I don't think Gwen will be pregnant ever. Unless they're getting rid of her.

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

They saved time by making her pregnant with the shark.

[kurthummel.livejournal.com]

I think this show jumped the shark when they sprayed BBQ sauce on a CGI pterodactyl. And that's why we love it.

[cirrocumulus.livejournal.com]

That's a tough one. We got hothouse naked Ianto, but given his pie status at the time it might as well have been naked Rhys.

This made me LOL so hard. I think I agree with you on that point. Everyone was freaking out about teh hotness of that scene and I was just like, "I could come up with about five reasons why that scene was none of the hot and all of the awkward."

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

There's a reason people like to do it in the dark: IT LOOKS RIDICULOUS lol

[cirrocumulus.livejournal.com]

But they purposefully upped the awkwardness, too. There is definitely a way to film sexytimes so that it looks hot instead of just weird, but... er. That scene would not be a shining example. So. Didn't do much for me.

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure that what they're doing can look anything but awkward... although Jack's little grunt and head-thrown-back moment is worth many bonus points.

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

Owen's nipples

*shakes her pom poms*

That sex scene in The One Where Ianto Says Something About Bananas But I Forgot What Exactly Oh No Wait "Bananas are much more interesting of course, also ph34r my hands-free arithmetic skillz" was, erm, the sex.

[off_coloratura]

Personally, I find Ianto's hands-free arthmetic skills to be more of the sex than sex itself.

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

*insert the filthy mathematical pun of your choice here*

[tencrush]

That sex scene... was, erm, the sex.
Except for the bit where I was subjected to the sight of Owen's nipples.

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

Gareth OTOH has comedy chest hair (as seen in Casualty).

[tencrush]

Yes, he does, though as chest hair goes I find Gareth's quite pleasing. I'm not really being fair here about Owen's nipples I admit, I actually just generally have a thing against most men's nipples. A guy's nipples have to be pretty spectacular to not make me giggle just a bit. Even Gareth's wouldn't do it for me, guynipples just strike me as odd.

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

Paul McGann's are worth the price of admission.