tencrush | You doubt my powers?? (Reply)

Ah, people are calling my predictive powers into question now, so I thought I'd see how I did on the Torchwood front with my TABLE OF DOOM. And yes, check out the tag, most of my Torchwood predictions have been WAYYY wrong, but have also been mostly for the luls, to be fair to myself just a little bit. I'm good on the important stuff, like Rose leaving Who and Ianto being a BIG WHOREISH MANSLUT. But look at this one, this one was fun. Before your time, kiddoes, but fun nonetheless:

THE TORCHWOOD TABLE OF DOOM, AKA YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT

WHAT I WANT	WHAT I'LL GET	WHAT I GOT
Ianto Jones: l33t button-nosed welsh-voweled cute-suited agenda-carrying sekritly-trained-ninja manwhorespy	Ianto Jones: Jack Harkness' button-nosed welsh-voweled cute-suited spineless fawning submissive boycandy fucktoy of a wife	Ummmm... WRONG!! Wait, did Torchwood actually give me what I wanted there? That can't be right. Shall we say we got a lot from column A and a bit from column B?
Gwen gets her comeuppance for her appalling behaviour last season, especially the retcon thing	Gwen gets happily married and knocked up because SHE IS BETTER THAN ALL OF US	Yeah, that's pretty much what I got, apart from the knocked up thing.
Tosh in a happy, healthy relationship because she deserves it	Tosh as a sad old geek spinster, because she's a nerd, yo	Tosh as a DEAD geek spinster, because she's a nerd, yo. Yep. Check.
Tosh's cleavage	Owen's nipples	Owen's DEAD BLUE NIPPLES AND GAPING WOUND. I don't think I could have been much righter on this one. (Though we did, also, get Tosh's cleavage, but that wasn't real Tosh, was it?)
Naked Ianto	Naked Rhys	That's a tough one. We got hothouse naked Ianto, but given his pie status at the time it might as well have been naked Rhys. So was I right or wrong?
Shiny teeth	Shiny teeth	Shiny teeth.
Gratuitous mankissing	Gratuitous mankissing	Yes. Gratuitous mankissing.
Big coats	Big coats	Bingo.