TORCHWOOD: RECAP TAIM NAO

[tencrush]

I decided to do a screencap recap of From Out of the Rain, just to see if I could remember any of the plot. Which I couldn't. Here is what I THINK happened, based one my ONE viewing of the episode, helpfully illustrated with screencaps, courtesy of marishna.

*spooky music happens* Jack: "Ianto?? Where the fuck is Ianto, why isn't he here, he's ALWAYS HERE. He needs to be here, spooky stuff is happening and also I need a... hand... with something."

Ianto: *finally throws in some evidence he wasn't GROWN IN A VAT* *technobabbles* "... so you see, Gwen, I have it on good authority it's not really going to be spooky so much as just slightly disconcerting and a little bit shit. I thought I'd liven things up by being cuter than I've been in a while, and also by being just a little bit geeky. For the fangirls."

Ianto: "Are you stalking me, Jack? And what's with the imagery?" Jack: *thinks* "Didn't you catch the bouquet last episode?"

Ianto: "I might have done, Jack. But don't go getting any silly ideas into your head, I'm not that easy... Jack? Oh. Right."

Mermaidlady: "CAN WE DOES PLOT NAO???" *explains plot* *at length*

Ianto: *doesn't quite catch all of the plot* "Jack? Can we has group meeting? Discuss plot?" *finally gets the furrowed brow down to an art form* *for the fangirls*

Jack: "OH HAI GUYS, plot meeting!" *explains plot* *at length* "... and I was a carnie once, so you know, LOL!"

Ianto: "Jack... I didn't get any of that could we discuss plot again?" *loses the capacity for sexual innuendo that he's been so fond of lately* "... in private?"

Jack: *spooky look* *fails to make spooky look look meaningful or suggestive* "... damn."

Ianto: "So, now what... shall we watch some porn or something?"

Jack: "Sometimes I really think you only want me for my magical cock, Yan. We're supposed to be discussing plot."

Ianto: *thinks* "OK, then. So they're trapped on film, there's a flask involved, and what was the other thing...?"

Jack: "They're allergic to pies."

Ianto: *thinks* "Pies. Right. So, if we were to throw pies at them..."

Jack: *jumps to INSANE CONCLUSION* "They'd die, yes. We should totally throw pies at them, that sounds like a good plan."

Ianto: "Thank you. You do realise I might eat the pies, yes?"

Jack: *thinks* "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, pie-boy."

Mermaidlady: "PLOTTAIMNAO!!" *does plot whilst also EXPLAINING PLOT for those of us who haven't been paying attention*

Jack: "They could be off DOING PLOT right now, Ianto, and you're still sitting here thinking about pies."

Ianto: "Sorry. I just... talking about pies really makes me want to stick something in my mouth."

Ianto: *worries* "Hang on, wasn't that line about the mouth and stuff supposed to come off as kind of suggestive and/or kinky?"

Jack: "We have no sexual tension today, Yan. Do keep up."

Spookypeople: *DO PLOT and attempt to look menacing*

Ianto: "Right. I'm here. Where's the pies?"

Jack: "Change of plan. I thought we might do something in the back row of a cinema instead." Ianto: "Talking to you is really weird when there's no double entendres. WE'RE IN THE BACK ROW, JACK! FOR FUCK'S SAKE SNAP OUT OF IT! SAY SOMETHING DIRTY!!"

Jack: *RUNS OFF AND OVERACTS INSTEAD*

Ianto: *runs off, finally understanding the plot* *emoes at a bottle* "Hello? I need to speak to Chris Chibnall... is he in there?"

Ianto: *gives up on plot and emoes at small boy* "Can we keep him, Jack? Can we get a house and a mortgage and and and... Marry me, Captain!"

Jack: "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear any of that stuff in the hospital." Ianto: "That's probably wise, I went a bit Rose Tyler on your ass there." Jack: "Nice ass, by the way. Fangirls'll love it. Sextaim?" Ianto: *inexplicably disappears to pie shop instead*

*spooky music* DUN DUN DUNNNNN!!!!!

Is that about right?

Comments

[th-esaurus.livejournal.com]

lol I am so put off wanting to watch this episode. But Ianto is so pretty. Mmmmmmmmaroon.

[tencrush]

I don't know what happened. I think it was supposed to be spooky?

[off_coloratura]

"I thought I'd liven things up by being cuter than I've been in a while, and also by being just a little bit geeky. For the fangirls."

Oh, and the fangirls thank you, Ianto. THANK YOU.

Ianto: "Thank you. You do realise I might eat the pies, yes?"

Oh, NO YOU DIDN'T GO THERE.

"WE'RE IN THE BACK ROW, JACK! FOR FUCK'S SAKE SNAP OUT
OF IT! SAY SOMETHING DIRTY!!"

Neutered by a bad script. It breaks my heart.

Jack: "Nice ass, by the way. Fangirls'll love it. Sextaim?"
Ianto: *inexplicably disappears to pie shop instead*

Because clearly, it is one or the other. Or is it?

God. Now I want to see them smear each other with berry pie. DAMN YOU, TENCRUSH!

That was just a little bit brilliant, that picspam post. Yay!

/this comment brought to you by the capslock key

[tencrush]

It is one or the other with Ianto, yes. He has to stick something in his mouth at least twice an hour or his jaw seizes up. It's a war wound left over from Canary Wharf. Pie, cock, it really doesn't matter.

[off_coloratura]

Poor baby. That must be why he speaks so quietly. Either Jack has been neglecting his duty, or the pie shop is closed.

Clearly, some sort of emergency fangirl aid needs to be organized. The Give Ianto Something To Stick In His Mouth movement.

[tencrush]

Shall I?
*pregnant pause*

I've got something he can stick in his mouth RIGHT HERE.

[off_coloratura]

BA DUM TSSSHHH!

It's a civic duty, really. For the beautification of Wales.

[rowanswhimsy.livejournal.com]

Oh man...piesex. I never thought of that. Yum. I want piesex!

[kurthummel.livejournal.com]

That was eighty million times better than the entire so-called plot.

[tencrush]

This WAS the plot, surely?

[kurthummel.livejournal.com]

Close enough. The rest was just bibble babble, but you got the general consensus, so maybe this episode wasn't SO made of fail (yes, it was, grave nodding).

[tencrush]

*sexes ur icon*

[kurthummel.livejournal.com]

My icon is going to go have a cigarette now.

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

*wants to make off with your icon*

[rowanswhimsy.livejournal.com]

I concur. From this moment forward, this is now the episode as far as I'm concerned. I'm ignoring what actually aired on the Beeb.

GROWN IN A VAT

[kateorman.livejournal.com]

BY FANGIRLS

Re: GROWN IN A VAT

[tencrush]

That's the one, yes.

[fodian.livejournal.com]

"Hello? I need to speak to Chris Chibnall... is he in there?"

Hahahaha, if only.

This is hysterical. And made the episode much more palatable, I thank you.

[tencrush]

I aim to please. And also to rewrite episodes IN MY HEAD until they fit in with my worldview.

[kazzaml.livejournal.com]

Man, I nearly woke up everyone in my house laughing! That was spot on.

Ianto: *runs off, finally understanding the plot*
*emoes at a bottle*
"Hello? I need to speak to Chris Chibnall... is he in there?"

That's going to keep me sniggering for days.

[erinnthered.livejournal.com]

Now this is an episode I can live with. Although I think I might try watching the original one with the sound off...and forwarding through anything not Ianto-related.

Ianto grown in a vat and the Chris Chibnall line really had me laughing. And the bouquet! heh

No pies for Ianto though. He needs to keep what he has left of a figure for this week. Which will be good. I will it to be.

[tencrush]

NOW they're saying it's gonna be sexay. See, if it's sexy, I'll just forget about all my griping and embrace the sexy instead. It'll be like I never had a problem with anything. Watch me do a 180 if it's sexy.

[rowanswhimsy.livejournal.com]

I'm more concerned about the 'Ianto gets sloppy' remark. What does that mean? He slobbers all over Jack? Or just that he's careless and leaves the door unlocked?

Does the scene occur in Jack's hole or the office? And yes, interpret hole in any way you'd like.

[tencrush]

Maybe he covers Jack in pie filling. I'm sure Jack's hole is involved in some way or other, though if Gwen walks in on them I'm assuming it's somewhere else. Unless she's stalking Jack IN HIS HOLE.

[rowanswhimsy.livejournal.com]

While I am thoroughly spoiled for the finale, I sadly have heard very few details about what concerns me most -- that sloppy shirtless sexing scene. Anything that fits my definition of sloppy is not something that the Beeb would air, frankly. All my scenarios involve...pie filling.

Wait for it...wait for it..."Unless she's stalking Jack IN HIS HOLE." FTW!

[tencrush]

Not enough sentences about Jack end with the words IN HIS HOLE for my liking. I think I shall make it a theme of some sorts.

[rowanswhimsy.livejournal.com]

I feel quite certain that Ianto already has a list that he's not sharing publicly. Perhaps if your flist would think like Ianto quite a few things might pop up.

I think Ianto probably serves Jack coffee IN HIS HOLE.

[behindblue-eyes.livejournal.com]

You know what I just noticed? Ianto dressed to match the movie theatre. Good man.