Various candy related observations...

[tencrush]

Yeah, alright, bear with me, would ya?

Question 1:
I made cakes with Beckett the other day, the instant packet kind with a theme. The theme being Bob the Builder. The Bob the Builder cakes came with candy sprinkles, meant to portray something. The yellow sprinkle was obviously Bob the Builder himself, in outline form, I'm not blind, even I could see that. But the orange one... I'm sorry, but could someone help me out?





I have already made it quite clear that I have a dirty mind, but honestly, what the hell is this supposed to be? Apart from the obvious crudely drawn cock 'n balls. Best guess wins a prize, I don't watch Bob the Builder that intently, maybe I've missed something.

Question 2:
Have a look at this...





The other half and I seem to be the only ones in the whole of Holland bothered by the St. Nicholas holiday. Because honestly, the above BOTHERS ME. GREATLY. But it doesn't seem to bother anyone else, not even black people. Now obviously I don't speak for black people, and it's not my job to tell them what to be offended by, but COME ON! WHAT THE COCKING FUCK???

I shall tell you about the weekend. We went to see St. Nicholas arriving from Spain in his steamboat, this was at my parents' house by the river. He was, as usual, preceded by a team of blacked-up Black Piets who came to amuse the gathered crowd with sing alongs and such. We were watching from the balcony. We watched a good ten minutes of this strange gathering and then I burst into laughter. I just couldn't seriously watch this crowd of honkies (my parents live in a rough part of town, man, it's just up from trailer park, it really is, I find the fact that they built this really expensive, giant, security-doored flat just at the border of skid row really quite offensive, but that's another story) clapping and laughing at these little dancing sambos. There was something so medieval about it, I had to go inside and take a few deep breaths. And the Dutch are normally SO politically correct about freaking everything (Actually, as a woman, I have found that that is in fact mostly superficial waffling. Equality is not really high on the agenda here.) But this... they constantly harp on about how it's traditional and there's nothing wrong with it. I just don't get it. IS IT JUST ME?? I like how American friends of ours always do a wee jaw-drop at the whole thing. It's JUST SO WRONG.

My next picture shall be of my shaved pussy, I did promise. Stay tuned.

Comments

[off_coloratura]

That would be his hammer, dirty woman. His OTHER tool.

YE GODS with the Piets. You would seriously get your ass sued in the US for that.

Of course, you get sued for ANYTHING in the US, but yeah. We try to pretend the whole Sambo thing never happened here.

[tencrush]

THAT DOESN'T EVEN VAGUELY LOOK LIKE A HAMMER. NO WAY.

The Piets are so wrong, but even black people don't seem to mind. I don't understand!!!

(Why have you stopped sleeping alltogether??)

[off_coloratura]

It does! As much as a blobby cheaply mass-produced candy can. It could be a mallet.

Husband has gone completely to the nocturnal for some reason. Yesterday he came to bed at 11. AM. And now that I'm all done with rehearsals and do all my performing in the evenings, I have been dragged into his time zone.

It won't last.

[off_coloratura]

Also, am I right in observing that there is a prick included with the Black Piet mask?

(I know, I know, it's like candy or something, and that's the toothpick to eat it with. I just couldn't resist.)

[tencrush]

No, it's perforated and that's the universal dutch symbol for something being prickable.

That's actually reminded me, when I was a kid, and now still, one of the things you always used to do in kindergarten was this picture pricking thing. They'd give you one of those tools, like the one pictured there, and a picture with all dots around the edges, and a felt mat to put the picture on, and you'd prick out the picture ALL THE WAY AROUND. It took a good half hour at least, and I think it's one of those things the Dutch do to keep children quiet and in line, and possibly brainwash them for some reason.

I, as a child, always protested that scissors would be quicker, and whenever I was made to do this pricking thing, I'd go into this weird zenlike trance due to the tedium of it. After about five minutes it would make me feel funny in my tummy and my ladyparts (this was before I really realised they were my ladyparts). I realise now that I may have been experiencing some sort of toddler subspace.

The above explains a lot more about me than I would care to admit.

[off_coloratura]

*dies laughing*

[tencrush]

Don't mock me, bitch.

[off_coloratura]

If it will make you feel any better, I used to achieve the same state by chewing on my tongue.

[tencrush]

*mocks you*

Actually, thinking about it now, I am quite intrigued as to what the pedagogical value would be to sitting children down to do something so mind-numbingly dull it makes them squirm in their seats and become hyper-aware of their bodies and the fact that they have to stay where they are for reasons that are, to them, unfathomable.

But then I do get the feeling the other kids maybe didn't get that squirming tummy thing that I got from it. OH GOD, I'VE JUST ALWAYS BEEN WEIRD, HAVEN'T I?

[off_coloratura]

Well, duh.

The obvious reason for to keep children quietly doing useless, repetitive tasks is to prepare the majority of them for the useless, repetitive office jobs they will have when they grow up.

Sicko.

[tencrush]

If only useless, repetitive office work made me feel the same way.

*sighs*

[off_coloratura]

Ever see Secretary?

Now that's the sort of clerical work I can get behind.

[tencrush]

*sighs*
I'd be really good at that job. Actually, I'd probably be too good, because I don't allow myself to make typos, even if they do get me a spanking. I'm far too anal about spelling.

[off_coloratura]

I'm sure a good boss would find something else to critique you on.

Talk about motivation.

[tencrush]

Mmm... motivation.

I used to have a teengirl crush on James Spader, when I was like 15 or something. I have just always been very strange, apparently. Now I just find him extremely pasty and a bit odd looking.

[off_coloratura]

When he played that evil werewolf, I thought it was about the sexiest thing I'd seen. All that smelling, all that creepy intensity.

You're right, though, the years have not been kind.

[tencrush]

Yeah, creepy intensity. It didn't really matter what role it was, he always looked like one hell of a creepy, kinky bastard. Just the sight of him made me think of sex. Strangely, that's still the case just because of the teenage imprinting, I still think of sex when I see him. Just not with him.

Poor James Spader.

[--kali--.livejournal.com]

Could it be a pneumatic drill?

[tencrush]

It doesn't look much like a pneumatic drill. But then, I just think it looks like a cock and I've lost the ability to see past that. I lose.