In which I am random.

[tencrush]

Btw, I will from now on be illustrating every thought in my head with gifs because I like gifs. Gifs are good.

Cap news...



In Cap news, I read the first part of Civil War and was thoroughly depressed by it. HOWEVER, if they do decide to go this route with the inevitable death of SteveCap in the MCU, at least I have an entire movie to look forward to of Cap getting HIS ARSE KICKED and suffering righteously. Somehow, I don't find that thought hugely unappealing. Am currently looking for the next installment, but have Brubakers's Winter Soldier to distract me until I find it. (Ah, yes, I only read comics on paper, I spend enough fucking time staring at screens, I just can't do it, I'm afraid.)

In other news, I watched Puncture.



Gah, Mike Weiss, what a strangely likeable, morally ambiguous, drugged up asshole you apparently were.



Okay, I kind of understand the point a lot of people make about Evans hijacking this movie a little, but in fairness, I don't really think the film ever purports to be anything other than a movie about Mike Weiss. It's not really about the case or the nurse or Paul or Dancort and I don't think it pretends to be. At the end of the day it's about this guy and why he did this. Did he just have a need for drama and attention? Did he crave winning and being right above all else? Or was he genuinely trying to change the world for the better? Come the end of it, you really, really want to believe it's the last thing and kudos to Chris for giving the guy enough likeability to allow us to see him as the hero, in spite of everything.



Also, everything Mike wore was hilarious. Just saying.

Most films portray heroin addiction as going hand in hand with either mental illness, extreme, murderous violence or rat and dead baby infested hellholes. Mike Weiss was good, if not brilliant, at his job, but occasionally late for things and forgot to pay the insurance that one time. Most courtroom dramas are full of desk pounding and cross examinations and YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH. This case involved meeting after meeting, endless requests for paperwork and tedious legwork in a crappy car. Nothing in this movie was played up for the sake of drama, apart from, maybe, this:



But, come on, that was worth it just for the reveal that he's got an unexpected wife. And even given that part, the Painful Divorce is just... another thing that happens in the life of Mike Weiss. Despite the weighty subject matter, the film just sort of ambles along from scene to scene, from event to event, and there was something very real about it as a result. Not omgdramatic, but still engaging and gripping. And dammit, yes, you can't help but like the guy and feel a profound sense of shock when the inevitable happens just at the moment when you were maybe starting to love him a little.




In summary then, on the Chris Evans scale:
Beard: yup
Shirtlessness: check
Watchable: totally
Essential: I'm going to say yes

Sadly, no gratuitous shots of Chris Evans Putting Food Into His Mouth, but you can't have everything.

Comments

[off_coloratura]

He does seem to have a pen in his mouth.

Another one for the list, then.

[tencrush]

That's not enough, goddammit. Stick more things in your mouth, Chris,.

[off_coloratura]

Like my tongue I mean, what?

The man does have charm in spades, that's one thing I've noticed in every damn movie he's done... except for Snowpiercer, for some reason. He seems to be channeling Christian Bale and it doesn't work for me.

[tencrush]

I LOVED Snowpiercer as a movie, but it's probably the first film he's done, Cap aside, where you don't find yourself thinking Hey, Chris Evans was the best thing about that movie, which most of his films leave me thinking. Snowpiercer was just great as a whole, I loved Curtis, personally, but then I loved pretty much everyone.

Yeah, I don't think he can do asshole, it always ends up being 'likeable asshole' because he's just so goddamned charming. But that's his superpower, I suppose. I mean, the most actually evil he's ever been was Lucas Lee, for God's sake. Though, I haven't seen the Iceman, but I can bet he's a likeable contract killer in that, too.

[off_coloratura]

Just watched "Puncture" and you are mostly correct about the lack of gratuitous eating. IF ONLY HE HAD GOTTEN THAT JUICE.

[tencrush]

He went to several parties, in fact, I think he was even literally carrying a plate of nibbles at one point. Yet nothing went into his mouth. And the fact that he didn't get that juice was just infuriating, he was fucking waiting for that juice.

[off_coloratura]

Someone get that man a coffee and a Danish. And then shut up while he eats it. Very, very slowly.

[tencrush]

Stop it!

Thinking about him eating is doing really weird things to me. I think I've finally turned a corner and turmed into a full-blown sexual deviant, as opposed to just a half-blown one.

[off_coloratura]

What is it about him eating? It does kind of draw attention to his mouth, which is pretty full for a guy.

[tencrush]

No, I like his mouth, dont get me wrong, I think he has a gorgeous mouth, but it's got nothing to do with it. I think the eating thing is a just a weird fetish -in the dictionary sense of the word- that I have developed out of nowhere (because you made me watch What's Your Number, bitch). It's... kind of disconcerting.

[off_coloratura]

I'm proud to have furthered the level of perversion in the world through the watching of beautiful men in second-rate movies.

[tencrush]

That movie was way less bad than I feared it would be and not just because I was licking the screen.

But yes, you would be proud of something that is ACTUALLY STARTING TO WORRY ME A LITTLE. You'll look back on this conversation years from now and see that this was the exact point where I went bad.

[off_coloratura]

It doesn't worry me. What would worry me is if you got turned on by imagining what he confessed to eating in Snowpiercer. Ew.

[tencrush]

I am bad at dramatic moments and in my head when Curtis confessed that, Fat Bastard from Austin Powers was going "I ate a BABY! The other OTHER white meat!" at me.

If it doesn't worry you then find me more porn of Chris eating. It's the least you could do, as a friend and enabler.

[off_coloratura]

To tide you over.

[off_coloratura]

[off_coloratura]

After hours of searching, I give up. This is all I could find:




I need to learn how to make GIFs.

[tencrush]

Well thank you for trying, darling. I may well rewatch every Chris Evans film I currently have in my possession to see if he eats anything, learn how to make gifs and then gif that shit to buggery. I bet Johnny Storm eats stuff, he seems the type. Though watching two FF movies is a bit akin to torture. Luckily, I may not actually own Silver Surfer.

[off_coloratura]

Just watched the first few minutes of Sunshine and he's eating there, though not particularly sexily.

[tencrush]

Good enough for me. TO THE DVD PLAYER!

[off_coloratura]

BAM. From The Losers:

[tencrush]

GAH. Yes, okay, I am officially a sick puppy. This is like porn to me.

[tencrush]

I've been trying to get a hold of a copy of the Losers, I've not seen it, apart from the singing and dancing and taking his clothes off in an elevator scene. All I know is he wears a selection of lollarious t-shirts.

[off_coloratura]

Indeed he does.


But I gotta say, that hot dog one competes with the "Free Licks" one from What's My Number as the most suggestive one he's ever worn.

[tencrush]

The FREE LICKS one is the best, mostly because he pulls that face the whole time he's wearing it like 'Read the t-shirt, gurrl. Let's do this.'

[off_coloratura]

HE PULLS THAT FACE FOR THE ENTIRE MOVIE.

[tencrush]

I've seen many people theorizing that he's not actually acting in that movie, and that is just what hanging out with Chris Evans would be like. I'd love to believe that that's true, but only because that would mean if I ever hung out with Chris Evans irl, he'd constantly be shoving food into his fayce and making me moist.

[off_coloratura]

It is possible, he seems to be doing his "dude having a good time" thing, but I will say he does it masterfully. I'd be willing to bet there's more Acting in it than people think, he's just very good and makes it look organic and effortless.

[tencrush]

I think people like to think that it's just Him in that movie because it gives them jollies to believe that he pretty much spends his entire life walking around in his pants. Though to be fair, if you look like that in pants, I think you pretty much would.