Torchwood for kiddies

I realised yesterday that Darryn watches Primeval for precisely the same reasons as I watch Torchwood, being that it has cracktastic monsters, very many big coats and a piece of eye-candy in the shape of Hannah Spearit. She is very cute, I must admit. Our brains work on the same level, really.

Still excited about TW, oh yus, and I've decided to line up my ideal plotlines for this upcoming season. They are:

• Gwen's baby has THREE HEADS, and only one of them looks like Owen.


• They say we find out how Ianto ended up at TW1. These mysterious employee records of his were actually written by Harriet Jones, who recommended him because he "gives great head". His job at Canary Wharf: office rentboy.


• Aliens make Tosh and Owen DO IT. In a hugely comical twist it turns out Tosh actually has what John Lennon would refer to as "filthy Eastern ways". Owen wants MORE, but Tosh punches him, shouting "No way, monkeyboy!" She goes completely lesbian and blames Owen for this fact. People point and laugh.


• Martha sleeps with every single member of the team. For reasons known only to UNIT.


• Ianto dumps Jack in episode 7. His reasoning? "All he ever wants to do is cuddle. Weirdo."

That be it.