REWRITE MEME

[tencrush]

kel_reiley posted a one-scene per episode rewrite of Children of Earth, which I thought was a marvellous idea, and I thought should immediately be turned into a meme. So, if you could rewrite one thing per episode, what would you rewrite?

My thoughts are

DAY ONE:
Simple, this one, Myfanwy breaks Gwen's fall after the asplosion and then flies off into the sunset. A bit of happiness for you all, there.

DAY TWO:
Jack's regrowing in a body bag from a few choice parts. Meanwhile, back in Cardiff, Jack's cock and various other bits morph together and regrow into a second Jack, who wanders around the city centre looking for sex. A bit of proper Torchwood crack that I feel was missing from this season, and also a plot hole that I'd like filled up.

DAY THREE:
Ianto throws an empty tin of beans at Jack's head. Jack tries to figure out why.

DAY FOUR:
Jack and Ianto's conversation about Alice and such culminates in Ianto telling Jack that it's one thing to be secretive and uncommunicative as a partner, but as a boss, it's really fucking unhelpful. Given the immediate threat, Ianto's willing to help out but he makes it clear that when this shizzle is over he and Jack are finished professionally. Everything else happens as before, except Ianto doesn't go with Jack to do the Stupid Plan of Stupid, because Ianto goes off to do some secretive stuff of his own, involving him attempting to protect Rhiannon and family by bringing them to London where he can keep an eye on them.

DAY FIVE:
Having successfully managed to massacre a building full of people, Jack is somewhat emo. He gives up and sends Gwen away with Alice and Steven because he doesn't want them to get hurt. Everything else happens as before, except Ianto, having returned from his sekrit mission, figures out the Clem frequency thing. Unfortunately circumstances conspire to make his niece and nephew the only available children. Rhiannon has to pick one. (You want bleak, Russell? Make a mother choose between her children. Guaranteed critical acclaim. PLUS, we cared about Rhiannon far more than we cared about Alice because Alice was a complete non-character.) Rhiannon obviously refuses, leaving Ianto to make the call, or alternatively, leaving Jack to make the decision while Ianto deals with Rhiannon's resulting hysteria. (This ties nicely into that Jack's-loyal-soldier angle we kept getting hit on the head with last season, Rusty, you remember? Oh, no, you didn't watch season two, forget I spoke.) Everything else happens as before (Obviously it's the boy, the grumpyfaced girl was just TOO CUTE.) and the 456 is blowed up. In the aftermath, Alice returns and confronts Jack, asking him if he would have sacrificed Steven had the shoe been on the other foot and Jack responds that he did what needed doing. Alice reiterates her point from an earlier ep that he's bad news and turns her back on him for good. Meanwhile Ianto, unable to live with his actions, though he knows they were necessary, requests a massive dose of retcon so he can forget about Jack and Torchwood forever. If you feel that way inclined, possible emo declarations of manlove could take place at this point, or they could not. Ianto retcons himself, leaving Jack with nothing. Jack flies away like Ford Prefect just like before, leaving Gwen behind for the big Gwen show.

That's it. I feel it's dramatically more satisfying, plus: Myfanwy. NOW SHOW ME YOURS.

Comments

[dune-drd.livejournal.com]

Nice, but you know what would make even more sense (regarding Day Four and Five)? If Clem actually got the honours of doing it. It would kind of fulfil all story elements, and we could have children emo without actually murdering children on Primetime TV.

[tencrush]

But surely murdering children is fun? And funny? I mean, with the blood and everything? No?

I left that bit in to prove to Rusty that I can be edgy and dark liek him.