REAL PEOPLE! REAL SLASH!

[tencrush]

I've said before about how much I hate Real Person Fiction. (Though, yes, I wrote that one once where David Tennant and Sophia Myles have some sex, kill a Real Person Fic authoress and then set off on a killing spree across the Nevada desert. But that was postmodern, deconstructivist RPF.) But yes, I think it's gross. Unless someone writes me that Gareth David-Lloyd/Felicity Kendall May/December porn that I keep asking for. With a strap-on. I digress! I HATE RPF!!! It's intrusive and downright weird and the only thing I hate more than RPF are photomanips.

I DIGRESS AGAIN. IF. And that's a big IF. If I were the sort of person who was inclined to write RPF, though... Based, say, on those kind of odd pictures of GDL and JB seemingly canoodling off screen... It would be an epic, multi-chaptered thing of beauty and would revolve around The Welsh-Scottish/American Gay Mafia 's repeated and hilarious attempts to Tempt Gareth David-Lloyd Into Bisexuality For The Good Of Gaykind. Each chapter would tell another tale of how Barrowman and Davies, both lynchpins of the aforementioned organisation, would cheat, lie and bitch at each other in an attempt to be the one to reap the Undisclosed Monetary Reward for the achieving of said goal. It would run and run and run. There would be in-jokes in which Davies would constantly accuse Barrowman of being unneccessarily camp and Barrowman would call Davies "you old queen" a lot. Each chapter would end with the two of them fighting like girls and Gareth just walking away, smoking a fag and finding himself a fangirl to stick it to. It would be EPIC. If I were to write such a thing.

Which is why I don't do fic on any level, really.

Comments

[forgiveninasong.livejournal.com]

......that is an epic idea....

[tencrush]

It would be SO POPULAR in the world of RPF, that fangirls would be queueing up offering me LJ gifts in order to be allowed to be the next fangirl GDL fictionally sticks it to. I'd be RICH BEYOND MY WILDEST DREAMS. In terms of icon space and paid account time and virtual teddy bears and shit.

[smirnoffmule.livejournal.com]

My corner votes Yay.

[quinn222.livejournal.com]

I'm with you on the loathing of RPF, but I would stand in line to read this.

[tencrush]

I'd happily write it, but any time I try to picture John Barrowman and Russell T. Davies in a room together, it just becomes an orgy of self-congratulatory Declassified-esque behaviour with them just going "You're fabulous!" "No, you're fabulous!" at each other. With a kind of seething undercurrent of hatred. (I have somehow convinced myself, IN MY HEAD, that Rusty and JB rub each other up the wrong way, as they both disapprove of the other's particular style of gayness.)

RTD loves GDL at least:

[(Anonymous)]

According to someone who's read RTD's new book 'A Writer's Tale' which has just been released this week, Russel believes that Gareth is -

""the sexiest b"""""d on Earth""


Also (Doctor Who S4 final)

""And Ianto is quietly stealing the show. This is deliberate, so that Gareth David-Lloyd will love me.""


And (giving the Dead Man Walking story to Owen instead of Ianto)

""Still, it meant I had a meeting with Gareth David-Lloyd to explain it all. Christ, he's hot. I'm talking about sex a lot. That means I'll start writing soon.""

Posted by Nobleroman1

[(Anonymous)]

Like you, I - too - am weirded out by RPF / RPS (?). It creeps me out on all levels. My aversion to it compelled me to abandon a wonderfully written Jack/Ianto AU fic that I was in the middle of reading when I realized that a character who was named "Scott" was actually based on JB’s real life partner - Scott. JUST NO. But your premise sounds hilarious and I believe I could maybe, just maybe, get past the first page…

[mellacita.livejournal.com]

I don't mind RPS, obviously, since I have written it. But in this fandom I can't really get into it, because Scott always shows up. However, I would read this epic fic you describe.

[venusinchains.livejournal.com]

I agree with anon above: your epic is pretty much The Truth, imho. (Except maybe the mafia bit, not that I'm an authority...)

[ionlylurkhere.livejournal.com]

finding himself a fangirl to stick it to

psst, your mary sue is showing

[tencrush]

As I said up there^^, I would SELL the Mary Sue place for each chapter, don't you see? I'd take paypal and you could send me a first name, a brief description of your fabulous hair and the unique colour of your eyes and a kink you'd like incorporated along with your payment of 5 pounds. Sterling only, the dollar ain't worth shit.

Re: RTD loves GDL at least:

[alba17.livejournal.com]

OMG, LOL. Too too funny.

[alba17.livejournal.com]

That is the funniest thing ever! Especially your last comment about selling the Mary Sue role in each chapter, etc.

RPS creeps me out too, except for one I read with Marsters/GDL, can't remember author, on the tip of my brain though. kita (a number)? HOT.

[cionaudha.livejournal.com]

"Gareth" shows up once in a while too. Bleh.

Posted by Nobleroman1

[(Anonymous)]

Yes, he does. I came across a fic in which the summary sounded interesting UNTIL it stated that GD-L would be making guest appearances. At which point, I hit the back button on my PC. Again, JUST NO.

[cionaudha.livejournal.com]

Hands you a fiver.

Hair: Burnished red 30s bob.

Eyes: Bewitching pools of smoky blue, like the sea on a stormy autumn afternoon. Warm yet cool, calm yet intense, mysterious yet frank.

Skin: Porcelain freckled with purest gold.

Kink: Yes. A lot.

Name: He won't even remember his own name when he screams, so he won't be needing mine.

;-)

Not that you should write things like that, because they're creepy and invasive. But I do enjoy the very private movies I play in my head! I have the best film festivals...

[cionaudha.livejournal.com]

I remember that one! And Ianto and Gareth met or something. O___O

[crankyholly.livejournal.com]

I'm so with you on the RPF. I'm not much of a fanfic person, though I fess up to making a few feeble attempts at writing it now and again, but RPF is just weird. And I hate photomanips soooo much. Really, just let me look at the real pictures... it's good enough for me!

[(Anonymous)]

Posting anonymously because I'm at work...

Not a huge rpf fan, but this I would read for the sheer bitchery of JB and RTD. You know that would be epic levels of bitchery.

With popcorn and booze.

[nostalgia-lj.livejournal.com]

I STILL read it as David Lloyd George. It gets very confusing.

[tencrush]

I would consider doing a time travelling David Lloyd Georde/Gareth David-Lloyd RPS piece if I knew enough about David Lloyd George and indeed if I wrote fic and Real Person Fic specifically.

[nostalgia-lj.livejournal.com]

How about fic where Ianto is replaced by a succession of dead Prime Ministers and Jack has to fuck them all to get Ianto back? That's not real RPF, as only a small minority of politicians have souls.