AN UNSOLLICITED OPEN LETTER TO THE TORCHWOOD PRODUCTION TEAM...

[tencrush]

Dear All at Torchwood HQ,



Thank you for my big gay show. I love it, I absolutely do. I'm a ming-mong, and therefore I feel the need to state the thing about how much I love it, because, obviously, I hate the show. I hate everything about it. But that's only because I love it so much. Are we clear on that? Good.

Because I hate and love this show so much, I just thought I'd pop in a word of advice for whoever takes over from Chibnall, and it's this: That idea you guys had about not having a show bible? That groundbreaking and innovative and, dare I say, avant garde approach you've taken to continuity and just sort of winging it in that whole area?

IT'S RETARDED.

Seriously. Every single one of us ming mongs thinks it's the most retarded idea ever to have befallen a televisual production. And that's NOT because we're anal sci-fi fans who want to know every character's grandfather's name and date of birth, honestly it's not. We just think it would be nice to believe that at least SOME THOUGHT has gone into this show that we love and hate so much.

It doesn't even have to be a bible. Maybe just a piece of A4 paper, yeah? That tells you, and the actors, and the scriptwriters and the novelisation guys and the guys that do the website and the magazine WHEN CHARACTERS WERE BORN, WHEN THEY WERE RECRUITED and maybe a little timeline as to when sigificant events we have and haven't witnessed actually happened. Personally, I'm not that bothered that Ianto's been 26, 27 and is now 25, I don't care that Tosh has been working for Torchwood for a number of years that seems to differ every time it gets a mention, and I'm not even that worried by the fact that Owen being 27 when he died, given what we know of the length of his employment at the NHS and Torchwood, makes him DOOGIE FUCKING HOWSER, I don't care about any of those things, it's just that I'm AFRAID for you guys. I'm AFRAID that one of these days you're going to screw up so badly, you'll have to spend an entire season and not just one episode (Hello Fragments!) retconning yourselves out of the quagmire you've created. And nobody wants that, do they? We're only thinking of YOU, we're being totally selfless here. Give it some consideration, would you? Piece of A4 paper. Copy it, hand it out. No biggie.

And before you go getting all defensive on me and saying I'm not giving you guys enough credit here, I'd like to state my opinion, again, that I think in many instances we fans, even the ming mongs, are guilty of giving you FAR TOO MUCH CREDIT. I'll refer you to an observation I made in the comments of an earlier post, an observation about the Hoix Owen encountered in Exit Wounds, the Hoix first seen in the Doctor Who episode Love and Monsters (which, funnily enough, I love, I'm a ming mong who loves Love and Monsters, you don't see many of those, feast your eyes.) Now when we first saw the Hoix it was mentioned by quite a few people that the alien looked very derivative. It resembled something out of Alien or Buffy, and wasn't hugely original looking. I didn't see this as a problem at all. You see, I figured what you guys were trying to do was to tell me that, because we were seeing the story from Elton's point of view and he was recalling what happened from memory, the way the alien looked was also something that came partly from Elton's observational skills, and partly from Elton's cultural sci-fi conditioning filling in the gaps where his memory faltered. And therefore, in Elton's mind, that is what the alien looked like. I thought it was very clever of you, making it look all derivative like that, and making him think that it had been defeated by means of a bucket, which was obviously not the case but just a detail Elton had latched onto in his mind and given slightly too much importance to. I was happy, I had faith in the thought that you'd put in. And then Owen ran into one, and proved unequivocally that THEY JUST LOOK LIKE THAT. Way to go. So you see what I did there? I GAVE YOU TOO MUCH CREDIT, I thought you'd put loads of thought into that element of the story, when in fact this was not the case.

Now that's just an example of how these things work, and of course, I'm an anal sci fi fan, I put WAY TOO MUCH THOUGHT into analysing television, it's true. But sometimes you guys don't seem to put in ANY. I love a happy medium. Do you think we could strike one somewhere?

A piece of A4 paper and a photocopier. That's all I'm asking.

Yours with love and kisses,

Why A. Whelk.

P.S. Gareth David-Lloyd? HE'S A KEEPER. He singlehandedly saved the portrayal of the Jack/Ianto relationship from becoming a confusing mess with no more than a bit of body language and a cleverly raised eyebrow in those places where the script was sadly lacking and Barrowman was too busy emoting at Eve Myles FAR TOO VEHEMENTLY. Honestly. KEEP HIM.
P.P.S. But tell him to lay off the pies.

Comments

[nostalgia-lj.livejournal.com]

JACKANTO DID NOT BREAK UP AND IANTO WAS NOT REALLY A SPY?

[tencrush]

Not a spy as such, no, though he WAS INDEED a MANWHORE like I predicted and pretty much seduced Jack into giving him a job much like a prostitute would. And yes, they're still together. I believe we're meant to infer that it's LOVE.

You not watching Who, then? It is shinier than you feared it might be.

[love-jackianto.livejournal.com]

'P.S. Gareth David-Lloyd? HE'S A KEEPER. He singlehandedly saved the portrayal of the Jack/Ianto relationship from becoming a confusing mess with no more than a bit of body language and a cleverly raised eyebrow in those places where the script was sadly lacking and Barrowman was too busy emoting at Eve Myles FAR TOO VEHEMENTLY. Honestly. KEEP HIM.'

Gareth didn't just save Jack/Ianto he saved Ianto in general! I don't think I would like Ianto nearly as much as I do if he was played by someone else(especially if it had been an actor who got by just on their looks). Please let Ianto have a SL next series-a backstory wouldn't hurt.

[tencrush]

Nah, Ianto was GROWN IN A VAT. That stuff about him having a father is a false memory implanted into his brain by the Time Lords who grew him. IN A VAT.

He's pretty though, I'll give him that.

[love-jackianto.livejournal.com]

'Nah, Ianto was GROWN IN A VAT. That stuff about him having a father is a false memory implanted into his brain by the Time Lords who grew him. IN A VAT.'...hahahaha. That would not surprise nearly as much as it should. I mean that theater Iant's father took him to closed down in 1977.

[nostalgia-lj.livejournal.com]

I not watched Nu Who because last season taught me that I shouldn't care about companions who aren't Rose, so there seems to be no point watching it anymore. Even though I hear Ten was emo about Martha AS HE SHOULD BE. Luckily he probably won't mention her again, lest we think he liked her as much as St Rose.

[tencrush]

Ten said he was a dick to Martha. Several times he said that. I think that was fanservice, but still. And Donna mentioned Rose, but that was logical as she knew who Rose was and had remembered. It wasn't significant or anything.

And then Rose was in it at the end, and then she disappeared. Lest we forget who Rose was. She had that awful blue plasticky jacket on and looked a mess like she was still emo over Ten lots and lots.

[nuptse.livejournal.com]

P.P.S. But tell him to lay off the pies.
*wipes coffee off monitor*

That made it for me, right there.

[nostalgia-lj.livejournal.com]

Martha fans deserve a bit of fanservice after their girl was fucked in the ass by all last season's fanservice to Rose fans. The writers fucked that up but good.

I saw the pic of Rose and lol it looks like she's miserable after her fifteenth failed suicide attempt. So much for people hoping she was coming back to be kickass and capable and not fawning over the Doctor like a puppy.

[tencrush]

It needed saying. Again.

[holdingoff.livejournal.com]

why is it i think you'd get a "thank you for contacting bbc wales" form letter for this? you could frame it.

thought i'd share a little cute factoid my friends at AC Nielsen sent me (wonders of having friends in low places). The tvQ ratings for torchwood (tvQ is a kinda ranking for characters in a show, plus combinations of which characters in a show have the most audience draw.) so far for the bbca run the most popular pairing is: Jack & Ianto. Second most popular: Jack & Owen. Third: Ianto & Martha. Fourth: Owen & Tosh. Fifth: Rhys & Jack (!) Mind, the tvQ scores were based through Ep9 so it did include the wedding! who is most amazingly MISSING?

in the single character ratings its pretty clear too. 1. jack, tie for 2: owen & ianto 4: tosh 5: martha

again- who doesn't get in the tvQ count?

(tvQ only does top 5 so i'm guessing the emotive limpet probably comes in 6th.

[tencrush]

Wow. Just... wow. That's really fucking fascinating.

She's not a popular girl, is she?

[holdingoff.livejournal.com]

i was shocked. i had my little spy pull up the per episode data and it became a little more clear. the emotive limpet actually got negative viewer scores for sleeper, meat and something borrowed. apparently, the bbcamerica audience thinks she's TOO much. some shows actually work to get negative tvQ scores for characters that they want you to hate, but i don't think that this was intentional. i can't wait to see how negative a score she gets for adrift.

maybe the powers-that-be will look at the tvQ and get the idea that maybe they've gone a bit overboard with the "gwen must show us all just how human she is by emoting all over us" schtick. then again, they may completely ignore the tvQ data since the us isn't officially their primary market; but i don't think there's a comp reporting system in the uk.

[love-jackianto.livejournal.com]

Wow! That's fascinating.


Emotive Limpet. *snickers* I'll have to remember that one. I'd love to see what the score is for adrift.

[tencrush]

I didn't think the UK had such an extensive system, no, so this would be the only really telling information they've got. And I think they are focusing on the US, maybe not as their primary market, but certainly as a bloody big and important one, at least for Torchwood, anyway.

If she got negatives for those episodes, she'll really be up shit creek for Adrift and Exit Wounds, I'd wager.

[cirrocumulus.livejournal.com]

Haha, I agree with everything you say about this show. Particularly the love-and-hate part. This season is a little better, but there were so many episodes last season where I would be watching the show and just thinking to myself, "really? This is what I get excited about every week?" Sometimes it's a little head-desky, but it has some mysterious quality that keeps me coming back. (That "mysterious quality" most assuredly the very un-mysterious quality of pretty mankissing, though, but that's beside the point.)

A little more continuity would go a long, long way, I agree.

[off_coloratura]

I KNEW I WAS NOT ALONE IN NOT LIKING HER! I try, god knows I try, but nothing turns an audience member off more than the writers saying, "YOU MUST LIKE THIS CHARACTER. WE TELL YOU HOW AWESOME SHE IS AND THEREFORE IT IS SO"

[darlys.livejournal.com]

P.P.S. But tell him to lay off the pies.

It's true, Ianto was most dashing in the first episode imo.

[love-jackianto.livejournal.com]

'A little more continuity would go a long, long way, I agree.'
I pity the poor person who's job it is to check continuity, not even the writers know what the back-stories are most of the time. Ianto doesn't even have one.

[love-jackianto.livejournal.com]

I never really cared for Gwen, I just can't connect with her as a character. She's such a Mary-Sue. She was the only team member in Series 1 whom didn't lose anyone they cared about.

[off_coloratura]

She did, just not permanently.

[love-jackianto.livejournal.com]

True. I think I might like her better if Rhys had stayed dead.

[holdingoff.livejournal.com]

gwen is written far too much in the style of an old DW companion. you know, "oh woe is me, what shall we do?". and i'm not sure if the writing of the character is that bad, or if its eve myles over-the-top performance. she's the only character on TW that i've never seen in another setting so i can't tell.

and i totally agree, the fact that gwen gets to be so arrogantly self-centered and never suffer consequences for her actions just ticks me off to no end. i was hoping that there would be long term effects from adrift; but fragments and the exit wounds sure didn't show me any maturation of the character.

[eleish.livejournal.com]

You crack me up! XD
I endorse EVERYTHING. Where I can sign? ;)

[tencrush]

I was thinking of doing one of those combined psychic mojo things like in Last of the Time Lords, yeah? Using the BBC's own recently launched freesat system as an amplifier and all our combined Torchwood thoughts at a specific date and time. I'll let you know when.

[eleish.livejournal.com]

Cool.
Count me in, then!

st rose

[mossymermaid.livejournal.com]

lolz

your post = win

[erinnthered.livejournal.com]

Those figures are amazing. And they give me pride that American fans clearly have some taste. :)

There is a discussion going on over at DWF (Doctor Who Forum) about Gwen, and I really think these figures would shed some light. Would you mind if I posted this information over there? I can credit or not as you wish.

[love-jackianto.livejournal.com]

If Gareth had never gotten the role I'm convinced that Ianto would not be liked nearly as much as he is. Gareth really 'gets' Ianto as a character and it shows. Plus Gareth and John have such great chemistry.

Ianto probably would have been killed off by now or kept forever in the background if he was played by someone else.

[rowanswhimsy.livejournal.com]

Why am I afraid that TPTB will interpret this as people disliking Gwen/Rhys?

[rowanswhimsy.livejournal.com]

I've seen recent pics of GDL. HE IS NOT TAKING YOUR ADVICE.

[rowanswhimsy.livejournal.com]

Ianto and Martha is third. Wow. How amazing since the show really tried to feature Martha's interactions with Owen and Gwen much more.

[tencrush]

Ooh, could you tell me where you came from on teh OG? I've been meaning to wander over there for a few days now, but I'm far too lazy to work out which threads the cool kids are hanging out in.

[antelope-writes.livejournal.com]

I really hope not, because Gwen/Rhys is one of the neater, more believable couples I've seen in TV. They're sweet, then they fight, they come together when they need to, but he'll knock her down a peg or three. Like real people. Rhys is actually one of my favourite characters.

[antelope-writes.livejournal.com]

I liked her at the beginning. What she did in Day One? Where she volunteered for alien possession, knowing it would kill her? Gutsy. The way she pulled through in Exit Wounds? Amazing. It's just that everywhere in between, she vacillated between pining-for-Jack Mary Sue-ness and outright stupidity. If I were Eve Myles, I'd be slapping the writers upside the head. (The Tosh story arc completely redeemed itself in 11-12-13, even though she was wasted the entire rest of the season.)

[antelope-writes.livejournal.com]

He makes TW funny, too. Seriously. Half the time when serious comedy ensues, it's because of something GDL has done. Usually with an eyebrow, or perhaps a stopwatch.

And the other half the time, it's Kai Owen.

[love-jackianto.livejournal.com]

'Rhys is actually one of my favourite characters.'
Mine too, he's like a big teddy-bear.

[antelope-writes.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but we didn't get the scrumptilicious little tease of Jack, Martha, Ianto, and a red UNIT cap with Gwen, now, did we? And Martha/Owen was purely professional.

[love-jackianto.livejournal.com]

'(The Tosh story arc completely redeemed itself in 11-12-13, even though she was wasted the entire rest of the season.)'
Poor Tosh. I was actually expecting her to be killed off at the end of the series, the writers didn't seem to know what to do with her.

[love-jackianto.livejournal.com]

'He makes TW funny, too.'
Yeah :D Gareth seems to have a knack for comic timing.

[rowanswhimsy.livejournal.com]

Yes, I love them as a couple.

[urnssadomen.livejournal.com]

Wasn't that script editor's job??? Which means... Gary Russel and his colleagues, what were they thinking?

[love-jackianto.livejournal.com]

'Gary Russel and his colleagues, what were they thinking?'
I have no idea. I've given up excepting *any kind* of continuity from this show; both character development and plot line wise.

I read an interview on a Torchwood writer where they said they write a script with general characters in mind and than someone just cuts out the stuff that doesn't make sense. And than there is the fact that some of Ianto's scenes in From Out Of The Rain were going to be Gwen's, but Eve was too busy filming Adrift.