Obligatory life update...

• Millie's got a cold. She's all snotty and sad, poor thing. Have come to the realisation that that snot-bulb thing is the BEST baby present I have ever received ever. I sucked a thimbleful of snot out of her nose this morning, and now she's fast asleep. For a bit. I also have the same cold, of course, but mummy's cold doesn't quite count in the scheme of things.


• Beckett has to go get his eye seen to, he's apparently very badly cross-eyed. Not that I hadn't noticed, obviously, his eye wanders off when he's tired, but he failed his eye test a few weeks ago, and again the other day, so he's going to a specialist. I'm hoping a month or two of looking like a pirate will fix it, and I'm secretly glad he's not in school yet, I'd prefer him to not be "that kid with the lazy eye". I like to avoid childhood trauma where and when I can.


• Still doing them kegels. Man, they ain't really helping at the mo, which is depressing the hell out of me. Everything else has recovered fully to the satisfation of all concerned parties, apart from my right nipple which hurts 24/7.


• Still embracing my undergarments like a long lost lover. The fact that they are unsensible and need removing to breast feed is neither here nor there, goddammit.


• Beckett would appear to be fully toilet-trained. Am now trying to get my head around how to actually STOP rewarding a child for doing a poo on the potty and not in a nappy. We've done the whole sticker thing, 5 stickers got him a present, and it worked beautifully. Now what? I'm running out of presents and indeed the desire to purchase them.


• Allegedly the inlaws are coming, bearing Marks and Spencer's tea and all the usual. As long as they bring us a runner bean slicer, we'll be happy. As per usual they are not being very clear on the whens and wheres of their visit, they'll probably just show up at the most inconvenient time they can think of. Have yet to work out how to break it to grandma that Summer and her mother between them managed to wash Summer's mobile phone in the washing machine. Grandma won't be pleased.


• My own parents have decided to bugger off to France for Christmas again. After ten years I was kind of hoping they would realise by now that my family spends Christmas at home, with a tree and far too many decorations and a turkey and the Queen's speech and all the rest of it, no exceptions. They will bitch about it later, I'm sure, and say they never get to spend Christmas with their grandchildren. Tough. Stay home and we'll happily invite you, cook for you, pull crackers, the lot, but I'm not carting two young children off to France to spend Christmas in a fucking pool, it's not going to happen, no matter how many times you invite us. God knows we're not a very traditional family, but Christmas is home time, deal with it and stop inviting us down and getting pissed when we say no, I'm getting sick of it. Rant over.


• I have to go make jelly now.