tencrush | Random thoughts on Who and TW

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Random thoughts on Who and TW

Yeah. So... Almost Perfect. The Torchwood novel. Seriously. Gender swap. I can't make longer sentences than this. Gender swap, seriously. Dudes. Honestly, gender swap? NO. I cannot even begin to explain on how many levels that's just a really, really bad idea. Why don't we just give the big gay show over ENTIRELY to 16-year-old fanfic writers, yeah? Because I'd be willing to bet that despite the hilarious premise, nobody gets FUCKED IN THE ASS in this book, and at least if we handed over to the ficcers, we'd have a guarantee that the novels would be full of FUCKING FILTH. Maybe not always filth of the highest calibre or believability, but pornography nonetheless. All the books would be about Jack and Ianto (the Time Lord) and would contain gratuitous rimming and hilariously bad things happening to Gwen. Actually, now that I start to think about it, all of that might not actually be that bad an idea. Forget I spoke. Fucking gender swap. Honestly, man. Kill me now.

Beckett LOVES The Doctor's Daughter and I think he fancies Jenny a bit. But then he asks me yesterday "Why did the guy from THE BOX SHOW shooted the daughter?" and it took me ages to work out what he was talking about. The box show is, of course, Deal or No Deal, and Beckett thinks Jenny was shot by Noel Edmonds.

And while I'm on The Doctor's Daughter, between Owen's 27-ness, the Doctor's refusal to take Mr. Copper along in VotD, 5 BILLION OTHER THINGS, and now the Doctor's DOWNRIGHT MOCKING of Donna's feminine wiles, Rusty's BLATANT AGEISM is starting to get RIGHT ON MY TITS. My thirtysomething, slightly deflated tits.

Oh yeah, and Gareth? DON'T say in interviews that you can't afford a PA unless you want EVEN MORE letters than you're already getting from lots of lovely ladies offering you their services for free. With a blowjob thrown in. Honestly. Silly boy.

I use the icon because I haven't mentioned Gareth's COCK in at least a week. I'm going into withdrawal.

That is all.

I read the summary for 'Almost perfect' with my fist stuffed in my mouth and haven't stopped laughing since. I mean, when Torchwood fans are astounded at the sheer level of barmy crackiness then you know its quite something.

But then I remember that this show gave us canon mpreg and I just sort of shrug and repeat "fanfic funny, Ianto pretty" to myself as a mantra...

'Gender swap, seriously.'
Of all the fanfic ideas the COULD have stolen. *cough* TimeLord!Ianto *cough* The only thing worse would be if it turns out to be Gender!Swap!MPreg

Gareth's cock deserves to be mentioned in EVERY post.

And while I'm on The Doctor's Daughter, between Owen's 27-ness, the Doctor's refusal to take Mr. Copper along in VotD, 5 BILLION OTHER THINGS, and now the Doctor's DOWNRIGHT MOCKING of Donna's feminine wiles, Rusty's BLATANT AGEISM is starting to get RIGHT ON MY TITS. My thirtysomething, slightly deflated tits.

TRUTH. the writers' fears about their own aging have become more and more prominent/annoying of late. i found the fact that the master used aging as a punishment in 'sound of drums' especially troubling. you're a fucking FAMILY show, people - at least doctor who is, and if the rumors are true, so will torchwood be soon - so you don't have to pander to that magically idiotic 18-25-year-old-male market. wankers.

he's looing for a PA?
*goes to polish up resume*

srsly, couldn't they have turned gwen into a guy? she might be more likeable as a guy

Oh yeah, and Gareth? DON'T say in interviews that you can't afford a PA unless you want EVEN MORE letters than you're already getting from lots of lovely lades offering you their services for free. With a blowjob thrown in. Honestly. Silly boy.

But presumably ... he does want that?

(And gah, yes, the ageism. Especially given that the Doctor is like over nine thousand. But he's youngish looking. And a man. So it's OK.)

Genderswap was an entire episode in SGA. It was also many fanfics before it aired, of course. I think it's just an obvious seemingly-subversive point where TV sci-fi canon, or tie-in novels, tends to cross with fandom.

Was the Doctor mocking Donna's feminine wiles? I thought he was merely uncomfortable with the whole "wiles" part.

A question of ignorance: What's a PA?

*gasp*

Did you have a fight with Teh Cock? Are you not speaking? Why a whole week?

Oh, I'll be his PA. I'll start with locking him and his agent in a hotbox until we come to an understanding about the importance of WORK.

Well I for one can't wait to see this gender-swap story. I want to laugh my ass off. Seriously. You should see the size of my ass.

I couldn't believe that synopsis for that book :D Honestly, I think I've read that fanfic a while back and it wasn't that good to begin with! The only body-swapping that should be allowed on TW is on screen body-swapping so the actors can vamp about pretending to be one another with much giggling glee.

Can you imagine it? Like, Tosh in Jack's body and Jack doing nothing but groping Tosh's fabulous bustline while the others freak out.

Did you read the other synopsis though? The one with Gwen on the cover with a Tiger like she's fresh out of a Vegas magic show has Ianto getting seriously injured 'while out on a date'. So not only do we get the fun h/c but there's the potential of seeing THE DATE... unless Ianto's a big player and has other sugar daddies on the side.

Rusty's BLATANT AGEISM is starting to get RIGHT ON MY TITS.

INORITE?! He's basically been saying that over 30 = death of your sexuality/attractiveness/usefulness since Nine left. I think maybe CE was getting too old for him.

Which sucks because CE is a wily Northern LOVE GOD who is just now coming into his prime because I think he's going to be so fucking shaggable when he's turned 45 next year.

And the whole ageism thing really feeds into what you were saying earlier about being pissed that Jack apparently views his employees for sex toys.

I can't help but wondering if that's what the show was going for. Because, in a more sensible setting, with someone who's slightly less, um, Jack at the helm, wouldn't you recruit people who had lots of experience?

"Let's see, we've got this chick here. Fifteen years experience in law enforcement. Degree from Cambridge. Worked with the behavioral analysis unit. Several commendations for bravery...Oh, wait, here's a completely inexperienced doctor who just lost his fiancee. Yeah, but he's sexier and in his twenties. Sorry Lady Who Has Expertise and A Lot To Bring to the Table, but you need face lift and Owen's face is already so weird that nobody would know whether to lift it, lower it, or just take a lawnmower to it. Ciao!"

An entire team of twenty-somethings is retarded. I mean, REALLY retarded. No offense to twenty-somethings, but if I were going to basically start a team from scratch, I'd hire a bunch of REALLY experienced people who at least had a decade's worth of seeing weird shit and being in law enforcement/the military.

I would never in a million fucking years have hired some beat cop who followed me home. I still don't know what it was that Jack thought qualified Gwen. No, really.

Sounds to me like Rusty is fear his own middle-agedness and being a jackass about it.

I think Torchwood should be retitled: "Oh, fucking hell."

I use the icon because I haven't mentioned Gareth's COCK in at least a week. I'm going into withdrawal

I noticed and it worried me. The day you completely cease talking about Gareth's p33ner is when we'll know to send search-and-rescue.

I have a feeling this book will be much like bad sugar free pie. It looks like it would be tasty, but then you take a bite and blleech, they took all the ~~filth~~ fun out of it. Yet your mind's still stuck in that YAY!PIE mode, but your mouth is going bleecchh.

'Cause genderswap without naughty bits = filthtease!

# Beckett thinks Jenny was shot by Noel Edmonds.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

OMG A LAUGH RIOT!!!

Speaking of ageist claptrap, how about this from the cover of Almost Perfect:

Emma is 30, single and, frankly, desperate. She woke up this morning with nothing to look forward to but another evening of unsuccessful speed-dating. But now she has a new weapon in her quest for Mr Right.

Okay. I don't even know where to start with this one.

1. She's 30 and single and desperate. That's so many cliches all rolled up into one. Life does NOT end at 29, people, nor do women over 29 automatically become old, undesirable hags.

2. She has a new weapon blah blah blah. Doesn't she fucking have anything else in her life to worry about?

3. If she knowingly causes the body shift, that's really really really creepy. Scary creepy. Pushing the boundaries of mind-rape creepy. Because there's NO WAY she's doing that to other people with their consent.

Nothing really to add to the topic at hand, just wanted to say thank you. With each of your Metas and/or commentaries, you make my addiction induced withdrawal from Ianto – err, I mean TW - that much more tolerable. And god bless GDL and his take on the character he brings to life quite brilliantly. I’ve only read the posted excerpts from his TW magazine interview, but reading his understanding and/or interpretation of Ianto is ALMOST as satisfying as watching him bring those interpretations to life on the show.

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