TORCHWOOD: WHAT TO EXPECT

[tencrush]

Only a week to go! I'm so stupidly excited about Torchwood, I thought it best to try and get a little perspective. So, I'm tabulating my expectations and what I expect will come of my expectations, in more or less random order. I present to you:

THE TORCHWOOD TABLE OF DOOM, AKA YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT

WHAT I WANT	WHAT I'LL GET
Ianto Jones: l33t button-nosed welsh-voweled cute-suited agenda-carrying sekritly-trained-ninja manwhorespy	Ianto Jones: Jack Harkness' button-nosed welsh-voweled cute-suited spineless fawning submissive boycandy fucktoy of a wife
Gwen gets her comeuppance for her appalling behaviour last season, especially the retcon thing	Gwen gets happily married and knocked up because SHE IS BETTER THAN ALL OF US
Tosh in a happy, healthy relationship because she deserves it	Tosh as a sad old geek spinster, because she's a nerd, yo
Tosh's cleavage	Owen's nipples
Naked Ianto	Naked Rhys
Shiny teeth	Shiny teeth
Gratuitous mankissing	Gratuitous mankissing
Big coats	Big coats

I'm right, aren't I? Go on, tell me I'm wrong and I'll love you forever. I'm right, I know I'm right.