tencrush | I'm not cut out for fandom...

Entry tags:

ianto,
torchwood

I'm not cut out for fandom...

I have epic meta in my head about Ianto, but I can't seem to order my thoughts and I'm reluctant to write anything fandom related because I'm still in one of those moods where the words will come out all wrong and I'll end up coming across as a bitch or something. I honestly never set out to do that, but I do pretty much most of the time anyway, so there you go.

I'm still having this fume over

who_anon for no real reason just because everyone on there seems to think it's full of luls and all I can see is a bunch of people finding reasons to point at and mock other people, and I really don't like it. The first time I was mentioned, when I was called an attention whore, I really didn't feel I'd done anything particularly attention-seeking that would deserve that kind of remark. I ended up getting really upset, not even really because of some anon with a grudge posting that shit, but because nobody bothered to step up in my defense either, so I figured everyone agreed and hated me. I actually debated deleting this journal for a bit, but figured that because of the thirty day change-your-mind thing, I'd probably just end up reinstating it and being called an attention whore over that instead. If you could instantly delete your journal I probably would have. Since then, I've been mentioned a few times, and I'll be honest, most of those times were when I did indeed post something reasonably wanky, I jumped in non-anon once or twice to defend myself, but then I stopped doing that as well. And now I've stopped reading it alltogether. WHICH IS FUCKING HARD, I must admit, the temptation to just mosey in is really high, but the last time I looked (yeah, I'll admit that was a day or two ago, AFTER I said I'd stopped reading it) all I saw, again, was people being shitty about other people.

And now that whole paragraph up there will just come across as bitchy, again, I'm sure. If you're on my flist and you're on the meme, good luck to you. I'm not calling anyone on it a bully (I don't really think it qualifies as bullying if you actively have to seek it out, surely? People will always bitch about other people, that's what people do. I totally get that, I just bitched about other people on this very journal, it's just the anon part I don't really understand.) or a Cult-of-Meanist or anything like that, I'm sure loads of you just go there and have a laugh and that's great, have fun, I'm not judging anyone, I'm really not. I just can't do it, I don't know why. I'm not really a fandom person, I guess, the whole culture just sort of flies over my head most of the time.

So yeah, I have this epic meta in my head about Ianto, but I can't order my thoughts and I think one of the reasons I can't order my thoughts is that my brain is asking itself Why would you want to write epic meta about a tv character anyways? I've reached one of those points in my fannish experience where I really cannot fathom the point of sharing out any opinion or theory about anything because it will just get read and commented upon and is that really what I want? Also, I can't order my thoughts because they're really unordered. And also, I know someone already made a list once of how many times Jack cries in Torchwood and could someone point me at it so I can stop with the rewatching every episode already? It's tiresome and I keep remembering how many episodes I actively dislike. FAIL.

LOL. I'm so crap.

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I think who_anon is a place where people like to let off steam. It's anonymous so it's safe, there's no consequences and as such people who wouldn't dream of saying boo to a goose in real life are suddenly tigers. Yes some of it is deliberate grudge stirring wank but there are sometimes sensible discussions hidden away among the crap. I don't participate but I do read and sometimes it's a nice handy way of alerting me to the people I need to avoid like the plague, sometimes it's highly amusing in a "no matter how bad my life might get at least I'm not that person" way and sometimes I just blink at the sheer insanity of people wasting their lives arguing endlessly about which fictional character is better.

As for the attention whore thing. Harsh definitely. I'm afraid it was the pie watch thing that seems to have earned you the black marks. I think certainly in the beginning you posted it to one comm (although in fairness only one) but I think there was a fanon perception that you were posting it everywhere and actively seeking attentiom. Personally I found it unfunny and repetitive and now every time someone bashes Ianto/GDL fixating on his weight you've become the one to blame for it. Not much you can do about that sort of nonsense except hand wave and ignore it.

I'd like to read meta. Basically, my life is just that sad that I can appreciate the intricacies in fictional characters.

I just looked at that who_anon.

I don't get that at all. If you want to bitch about someone they should have the balls to say it regularly.

It's a really pathetic thing that people have to be anon to feel better about themselves. Most people there who are doing the low blow stuff probably have extremely low self esteem and are making themselves feel better by bitching about everyone else.

I don't think your paragraph about it was bitching about it at all.

If you want to make a meta about Ianto, go for it. If you don't want comments just turn off the commenting option and say I don't want comments or discussion, I'm just using this to organize my own thoughts on this.

Nicole

"all I saw, again, was people being shitty about other people."

Yes, this. This. When I started seeing anonymous memes they were fun, a chance to be silly. Now they're just as mean as you'd expect, a chance to trash other people. STAY AWAY.

Some call it bitchery, I call it a much-needed reality smack. Or counter-wank, if you will. If people can't handle your awesome, then you don't need to play with them.

I can handle your awesome. Bring it, babe.

And the world needs your Epic Ianto Meta. In fact, now that I know that such a thing exists in your brain, I will not rest easy until I have seen it shown forth into the world.

I'll happily take all the Ianto/Janto meta you can throw at me.

As for fangirls in fandom, they like to bitch.

I hadn't even heard of who_anon until you pointed out your "attention whore" status there. But, yeah, since starting to visit it, I'm less than impressed. I guess I don't really care for anon posting anywhere on lj. Like you said, it's most consistently used as means to insult others with no consequences. (Maybe the site was made, initially, so wank-shy types could make obvious, but unpopular, points without suffering the typical pile-on? But, if they're now naming other lj-ers, they're directing the pile-on; it boils down to an adolescent bitch-fest.)

~

I live for Epic Ianto Meta. I'd love to read what you have to say, here lately. I may not agree with it, but being a shameless shipper sometimes means I'm wearing blinders that I'm not even aware of. It's always good to gather new perspectives.

Whoops. I was definitely happier before I discovered that comm.

My bad for clicking. Also my bad for not thoroughly flocking posts-that-require-context-of, you know, actually knowing me. :P

I'd love to read your meta about Ianto!
By the way, does anyone know of a good comm for reading and posting Torchwood-related meta?
I've seen torchwood_meta but it seems to have been inactive for several months.

I'm sorry you are feeling badly about fandom etc, but I wanted to say that I really enjoy your LJ and your manips make me howl and I hope you don't go anywhere or delete anything. I don't comment much but I read and value you as part of my flist, and just wanted to say don't let the bastards (whoever they are) get you down.

And, um, is it bad that I liked the porno Ianto manip? Or maybe it's just cause I like giant cocks? ;-)

I don't tend to dive in to defend folks over there, because doing so tends to perpetuate the topic of 'X from my flist is an arse', and I worry that any positive comment will backfire since there will inevitably be those presuming it's the insulted party anon-defending themselves, perpetuating the topic even more. I didn't dive in to defend myself when I was being reamed for what I still consider a perfectly reasonable sequence of events, because there's just no point.

I do think there are positives about that place: it's not all bitching, and it's made me smile on multiple occasions over the last few months. But ye gods, it's demonstrated a side to fandom (and humanity in general) of late which is plain ugly. I lost sleep over this shit last night, and I'm a reasonably sane and competent human being with a career and a life and all that shiny stuff. I'm actively angry about how several friends of mine have been treated, and I hate feeling hamstrung about expressing that, for fear that I'll just make it worse, or (cowardice alert!) invite even more crap upon my own head.

In other words: I sympathise, I'm sorry you feel undefended, you aren't the only person feeling like this, and I hope it's a temporary fandom-on-hiatus-thus-bored-and-bitchy thing that sort of fades away when there's new canon to pick at instead of actual real live human beings. (And as a side-note to that, I think people tend to be comfy slinging casual mud at you, because your fandom persona is that of a cheery teflon type who will shrug it off. I think a lot of people are assuming that about each other. I don't think anyone alive could be that fucking teflon.)

It's not you being crap. Now go about your daily awesome, please.

I tried to read who_anon once and it gave me a blistering headache. While I get it's purpose, it's not a good thing at the end of the day. Wank is wank, no matter where you put it or even if it's just to avoid wanking off in the wrong place. Wank at someone's expense doesn't make it any less worse anon or not~

And bring on your meta, please!

I like your posts, because I get a sense of the real you. Some people I read are hiding behind so many layers, it's creepy. I'd love to read your meta about Ianto, so please don't go.

I think a lot of our bitching problems can be traced back to one reason - the complete absence of anything new.
If season 3 starts in June then it will have been what, 15 months, since we've had anything new (I am not counting the Lost Souls shit). In anyone's language that's just too long in a vacuum, and I consider it cruel and unnatural treatment by the BBC.
And fannishly, I we have done everything to death now - several times over - and in the absence of anything new except one poster and one tiny trailer - the frustration has tipped over into anger looking for any way to be vented -
My case in point - look at all the wank caused by the poster and the trailer! It's just ridiculous and (would) make us all look like loonies except that I know most of it caused by BBC-induced frustration and anger. And it's only going to get worse as the next few months wear on.

Aww, hugs. Dont let fandom get to u. And dont u dare delete this journal! And i luv ur meta, so please write more.

Please write the Ianto meta! I'd love to see it. LIke bandgeek01 said, if you don't want comments, turn off the comment option.

I can't even read who_anon. Not because of bitchiness but it's too fucking long, I have no idea where to start, and no time for wank that does not cater either to my gnat-like attention span or to my actually quite busy IRL.

But - if had I read it, I would have defended you. I don't think you're an attention whore in the slightest, and while I may not always agree with you, you consistently put a smile on my face. You're one of the people who makes fandom fun, as far as I'm concerned.

In conclusion, bitches can STFU.

Oh and PS - META!

Edited 2009-02-12 22:57 (UTC)

So, twice now, I've gone over to who-anon or whateverthefuck *because you mentioned it here* (see what a fucking influence you are?). It's a big bag of wank. Messy wank.

People need something to bitch about, I guess. Gods know I have enough in my real life to make my blood boil (including, oh fuck, you don't want to know), so I absolutely unquestioningly, indubitably now way fucking A do not need it in my fandom. My only fandom. I don't want gay unicorns and rainbows (although I've seen it done well), but I don't want WWIII on my screen, either.

I certainly don't agree with you all the time. Sometimes you piss me the fuck off. I read everything you write.

Now write your fucking meta.

You have epic Ianto meta and I don't get to read it because of some haters? Nooooo!

I don't know anything about who_anon, but if it's keeping any of your hilarious posts from getting out, I am opposed to it.

Who cares if someone on the internets calls you names? OK, caring a bit is normal... But one person's bitchy is another's funny (and your bitchy is HILARIOUS) so purge that negative energy, have a couple of glasses of wine and GET TYPING PLS KAY THX!1111!11!!!

(And yeah TW kind of sucks ass but I like it anyway, that's just the double-think I've come to terms with.)

Do not under any circumstances delete this journal. It is brilliant to see in writing what I am thinking, and someone who is willing to speak their mind. In my eyes you often speak the truth. Don't let the morons get you down - some people fear honesty.

You should post your meta - I'm addicted to reading them and would love to see yours.

Also, I just took a glance at who_anon and... wtf? What is the point of that place?

I'm the one who counted the times Jack--well, everybody--cried. Here. (http://andreth47.livejournal.com/3152.html)

Oh, and thank you for mocking those horrific manips. Jesus. Somebody had to!

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Comm for good Torchwood meta

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