Agreed. I also think the context the writers have give us makes it look much worse.

Jack with Ianto while mooning over and apparently really in love with Gwen makes the J/I relationship look 2nd rate and Ianto's seeming lack of issues with this a best confusing or at worst like he's a doormat.

If there was no Jack / Gwen I think most of people's major issues with the way the J/I relationship is portrayed would vanish.