I'll bet you an Earth pound that Ianto's fucking cock has the word TORCHWOOD tattooed across it. Which is only of interest when it's erect, obviously. In its usual flaccid state, it just has a big, black stain on one side.

Nah, it probably says Torchwood when it's flaccid, when it's erect it says "Torchwood: outside the government, beyond the police. Fighting for the future on behalf of the human race." All in perfectly legible (large) lettering.