LOOK, IT SAYS TORCHWOOD! I'll bet you an Earth pound that Ianto's fucking cock has the word TORCHWOOD tattooed across it. Which is only of interest when it's erect, obviously. In its usual flaccid state, it just has a big, black stain on one side. YOU'RE A FUCKING WEIRDO, IANTO JONES.

I did not need that shoehorned into my head when I'm supposed to be writing porn I'll actually get paid for.

Other than that, thank you for this service to humanity. [Goes back to look at the pretty some more.]