If this was meant to be his effort at comedy, I would say 'don't quit the day job', but then, that's supposed to be his day job.

My main beef with this is: why does he keep feeling the need to poke this fannish shit? Let it lie already, Russell.

Because the man has no class/likes the sound of his own voice/doesn't realize that he's less funny on an answering machine than Russell Brand/thinks that the sun shines out of his own arse and everybody who doesn't worship him is a pathetic loser.
I could go on, but I've wasted enough bile on that man for one lifetime.