Wow. that's some vehemence right there. I just don't see that in any of those things. Yeah, I see a guy who's looking to find out where the hell he stands, but that's about it. Mostly because I see Ianto as quite assertive (though HUGELY manipulative, he plays Jack really well, psychologically, all the way back to the big gay spiel in Fragments, the "you don't give a shit" line in Cyberwoman, it's very evident that Ianto knows exactly how to hit Jack where it hurts the most or is willing to experiment until he finds the right button to push to make Jack do what he wants) and therefore I think, when he really needs that sort of reassurance from Jack, he quite simply calls him out on it. Which is how I see the "are you going back to him" stuff. Ianto's perfectly capable of standing up for himself, I think and I've never really seen him as being in a position where he NEEDS to whine. (Except "Jack needs me", yeah, that one's a bit weird and clingy).

But hey, we all see things differently. And like I said, I don't actively ship them, I have no emotional investment in how this relationship plays out, I just want a satisfactory story, now that they've chosen to make it canon I want it to play out in a way that isn't detrimental to either character. And the easiest way to have done that to start with would have been to make Jack polyamorous and Ianto fully aware of and okay with that. It's a shame they didn't go with that.