I think you probably have a point there, and I do think it's an exceptionally tricky one, becuase the alternatives are fraught with just as much problems as the portrayal as it stands. And it's not so much the "Jack's thoughtlessly using Ianto as a sex toy" thing that bothers me, it's the "Jack is the kind of guy who would thoughtlessly use people as a sex toy" conclusion that that implies. That possible perception of Jack could be fixed within the Jack/Ianto relationship, or it could be fixed elsewhere, but I just feel it's something that needs adressing, anywhere really, because they seem so sure of themselves in having created a thoroughly modern, sexually liberated hero.