tencrush: (jackanto)
MAY I JUST MENTION FRANKLIN AND BASH AGAIN. Malcolm McDowell is cracking me up.

THAT'S NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT, THIS IS ABOUT WAREHOUSE 13. Now, I hear that it's kind of like what a Torchwood spinoff show called "Ianto's Archiving Adventures" would be like if it were written by those people who wrote Torchwood before RTD remembered it existed and turned it into po-faced drama. Plus, there are ARTIFACTS in it that sound ALMOST AS HILARIOUS AS THE ONES FROM BONEKICKERS. As you can see, I'm sort of toying with the idea of making it My New Show. Except it's not actually on anywhere over here, but I could always aquire DVDs and such. Apart from that, of course, GDL's in this week's episode, in a suit, but I don't know how much I need to know about Warehouse 13 in order to be able to watch it (this is series 3, yeah?) So... a poll is in order, basically, I'd like to know if I should be watching this show, like, regularly, and not just for GDL's pouty mouth. TELL ME.

[Poll #1767021]

Please to be helping me make my decision.
tencrush: (iantobutton)
Allright, allright, I did say I was going to do a picspam of the MOST AWESOME THING IN THE WORLD, and while I may have said that SIX BLOODY MONTHS AGO, that doesn't mean it's not on the cards RIGHT BLOODY NOW. I present to you Part One of a Multi-Part series in which I picspam the most awesome thing in the world, the title of which kind of gives away what that most awesome thing might be. It is called:

And that was that for Series One of Torchwood, and Ianto's phonesex shenanigans.

Stay tuned for part two, in which there is INVISIPHONE! and PRETENDSARCASTICPHONE! and MUCH, MUCH MORE. And also, let's face it, there's a wee bit more of Ianto to love in Series 2. Just sayin'.


Nov. 15th, 2009 09:25 am
tencrush: (do not want)
I went to post a comment somewhere and found I'd been banned from someone's journal. I've never been banned from anyone's journal before, and I quite like the person in question and don't recall ever having had a disagreement with them of any kind. Random defriendings by people who I thought were my actual friends I can deal with, but banning? Wow. Ouch.

Speaking of which, this is kind of where I am at the moment:
  • There's not a lot of joy for me left in Whovian fandom. I'll probably post something later about how much I hated Waters of Mars. I have no desire to watch anything RTD has produced or DT stars in, and I am only just managing to hold on to a scrap of enthusiasm for when Moffat and Smith come in. I hate Russell, I hate everything he's ever written, I think he's awful. His insistence on bringing all this emotional manpain and trauma into these shows that used to just be a joyful experience for me and, in the case of Who, for my kids, has ruined my fannish experience. I want the last three years of my life back, I wish I'd never started watching Torchwood, I wish I'd stopped watching Who. I don't need television that pisses me off and makes me sad, that's not what I watch television for. Fuck you Russell, I hope LA chews you up and spits you out and fucks you in the ass with a pointy stick.

  • Ianto did make me happy for quite a few years, which is why I'm working on a last epic picspam of my favourite teaboy doing shit. I hope to have it done in a week or two.

  • I'm also working on something of a personal project celebrating Torchwood Series One and Two, which I hope to tell you more about in the coming weeks. Or maybe I'll just abandon it.

  • I was hoping to do a Christmas push on the Ianto Jones Wants a Pony campaign, but the Lluest Horse and Pony Trust's continued inability to update me is starting to annoy me a bit, so maybe I'll leave it. After Christmas, I'm done promoting it because I think I've done enough. I'll leave it up, of course.

  • Any takers for [livejournal.com profile] ninja_teaboy may give me shout here or in PM. I'm putting it up for adoption per January 1st. If there's no-one interested, I'll close it down.

  • Oh, in case you were wondering, no. If there is a new series of Torchwood, I won't be watching it, as I don't really like Gwen, or Jack. I liked Tosh and Ianto and I quite enjoyed disliking Owen. I liked Ianto, I liked Tosh, I liked the Hub, the embossed SUV, the pteranodon, the old ladies, the poodles, the victorian lesbianism, the cyberbikinis and that stupid fucking invisible lift. In fact, I loved all those things. Apparently I loved those things far too much. Those things are all gone, so there's nothing for me to come back to. Not that there will be a new series.

  • It's been really fun, people, but if you've friended me for Torchwood content, please, feel free to defriend me in the coming weeks, I won't be offended. I am completely spent. Done. Thanks, Rusty.

tencrush: (do not want)
Yeah, James Moran, I'm yawning as I type this. You're really into kiddie snuff, aren't you? Seriously, dude, it's not that entertaining. Did you see me predicting little-girl-gets-dismembered-before-your-eyes there yesterday? Yawn.

The acting's good, I'm loving crazy Joe adding another mentalist to his repertoire, and the aforementioned beer belly is still captivating. But the format's not working for me, it's too fucking short to get into, and so far it's been predictable as fuck. The foreshadowing's just a bit on the unsubtle side. I think it would have worked as a half-hour BBC3 experimental crime thriller, but cutting it into these tiny sections is just off-putting for some reason.

But yeah, Moran, you've got issues in the child-killing department. I'm disturbed by it, but not in the oh-your-story-affects-me-on-so-many-levels way, more in the I-don't-think-I'll-be-watching-your-stuff-again way. Sorry, man.

tencrush: (ianto pie)
Random notes on Girl Number 9 so far. One: 3 minutes 49 seconds is NOT a five-minute episode, James Moran. Once again you're a lying liar who lies. Let's stalk him and call him names, dudes! Or maybe not.

ANYWAY, I had a bit of a problem with this whole endeavour, and subsequently I decided NOT to engross myself in any way in the pre-publicity and twitterings and such. Having not seen the show, I kind of objected to the idea that I might be required to put in pre-emptive effort in order to understand what was going on. It might not be any good, you know? And then I would have wasted my valuable internets time on something that wasn't worth it. Which is why I didn't do it, I wanted to see if it would stand up on its own, which it seems to be doing up to now. (Though I do believe I briefly got the gist that Matheson has kids, so I can see where this might be going, but okay.) So far, it's a thumbs up for me, though it is even shorter than I dreaded, Doctor Horrible's got nothing on this baby.

Gareth's beer belly is kind of mesmerising and wonderfully in-character. I wish I could ascribe it to diligent method acting as opposed to actual beer, but I am more than willing to suspend my disbelief for now. Also, episode one made me realise that I would have probably happily sat through half an hour of GDL swearing at people with that accent, and I'd willingly buy an audiobook of him just saying the word "fuck" over and over. So if anyone's reading, yeah, there's that.

I realise it's supposed to be a thriller, but do they really have to do their policing in a darkened office? You'd think someone would flip the lights on at some point in time. (Oh, and is it too early for me to say that it's all a bit SAW?)

You reckon Moran will dismember a nine-year-old next ep? Come on, he's edgy like that, people. I'm betting yes.

tencrush: (thud)
I shall now attempt to start some wildly inaccurate and far-fetched rumours about The Hub 3 because I'm not there, and frankly, I'm appalled nobody has yet fucked anybody in or on a sink. Here goes.


Yeah, alright, I got nothing amusing. The pics are from the Casimir Effect website.

tencrush: (dr horrible)
I like.

Ah, see, the thing with me is, as much as I abhor RPF, there's one thing I do ship (apart from Gareth David-Lloyd/Felicity Kendall, how many times, people? Give me the porn already.) and that, for some unexplained reason, is Gareth David-Lloyd/a phone. It's like the ultimate accessory for his squidgy fayce. Bring it on.

Yes, that's bad hair, but it seems to be in character bad hair, so it's growing on me. STFU h8ers.


Sep. 18th, 2009 11:40 pm
tencrush: (thud)

Well, it made me laugh, anyway. [livejournal.com profile] fandomsecrets is teh funny.


Sep. 17th, 2009 05:23 pm
tencrush: (ianto pie)
Watch out for the mullet, GDL, you need to keep that sort of thing in check.


Obviously, I'm shipping Matheson/Lyndon already. Hard. Mainly because there's no way I could ship Joe Absolom with anyone in the world.

Is she a ball-breaker, yes? Can I pretend it's Ianto/Yvonne? Is that allowed? Will there be sexytiems? Is there a sink involved?

tencrush: (Default)
Yeah, so I dip my toes back into fandom and find this whole Torchsong hilarity on Fandom Wank. There are things I could say about this particular wank but sisterelwood has already been succinct enough to sum up my thoughts in the comments:

If you don't want something talked about then don't fucking tell a convention full of strangers. It doesn't take a genius to figure that one out. Additionally, anyone who dropped that much money on an event and didn't bother to understand the refund policy or make sure they were handing over money to a reputable group deserves to have their money stolen.

This whole thing isn't so much funny as a case study in fucking stupidity.

LOL. Comment of truth FTW!

Okay, actually I do have one or two things to say on the subject of Torchsong and -WAHEY!- John Barrowman. When do I ever not?

  • There's a few comments at the anonmeme about John's behaviour, but I try not to read the anonmeme too much, if indeed at all, so I only skimmed over them. There was, however, a nice comparison somewhere between John Barrowman and a pedophile. Which was loltastic and very much to the point, the point being that this attitude of JB's of "I do special personal stuff for you convention guys! Stuff I don't do for ANYONE ELSE! Please keep it to yourself or they'll make me not do that special stuff anymore, so if you love me and want to be my special friend, you won't tell anyone about the special stuff we do together!" IS FUCKING CREEPY AND MANIPULATIVE AS FUCK. Seriously. CREEPY. In fact, I'm starting to think JB has some sort of narcissistic or histrionic personality disorder. I hope I didn't type that out loud just then.

    Really, though. Creepy. Creepy and weird, but mostly creepy.

  • If John really wants to drag his non-celebrity other half and said other half's arse into the public eye, why doesn't he just do something REALLY tasteful like Celebrity Wife Swap or All Star Mr. and Mrs. or something like that? Maybe, now that the André's are splitting up, they could do a reality thing to replace Jordan and Peter Stateside on ITV 2. Or is it 3? (I mean, it's not like there's a Torchwood Season 4. We all know this.) It's obviously the sort of thing he's aiming for. TACKY!

  • GDL uses Viagra? What drug habit is he compensating for, dudes? Answers on a postcard. (I'm guessing speed? Maybe coke?)

Crazy times, people. Crazy times.

tencrush: (it crowd trapped)
For those of you who have expressed an interest: Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking, RL happened and I suffered from a bout of interwebennui. I'm still alive.

News in brief from my lengthy absence:
  • GDL is getting married. (I'm so old and cynical, whenever I hear of anyone under thirty getting married, a voice in my head says "Oh. Pregnant, is she?" Irrelevant, but true.) So, yeah. Good luck to him and all that. I'm always vaguely squicked by people who express anything more than a kind of meh-that's-nice-good-luck-to-them attitude to celebrity couplings and such, whether it be of the OMGNOOOO! variety, which is fucking scary in and of itself, or the equally bizarre kind of SQUEEEEE!They'resocutetogether!!11!! overreaction, which just creeps me out in a different way. I mean, what are you basing this squee on? You think they look good in pictures? You've seen them in the flesh and they looked happy? What? You don't fucking know these people. They're getting married. Move along now. Next!

  • Planet of the Dead. Planet of the Fucking Dead. Ummm, yeah. I liked Malcolm, will that do? It's not so much that I HATED Lady Christina de Souza as a character, it's the fact that the whole idea of Lady Christina de Souza made me HATE the writing. I mean, I suppose she was okay in a way. Except that she kept telling us how wonderful she was. And she was wearing lycra. And had a bag of tricks that was so fucking predictable it made setting number 354689 on the sonic screwdriver look positively groundbreakingly original. And she had a name that came straight out of the sort of stories eleven year olds write when they first venture into writing Mary Sue romance fiction. It's not so much that I HATED the woman I was seeing on screen, but that, while watching I hated the writers who brought her into existence, because they had to be A) mocking us or B) mentally deficient. No. And, apart from anything else, it comes back to that whole thing that Rusty and co are so good at doing, which is Bigging Themselves Up and telling us all that they're going to concentrate their efforts on making not a whole series but a few HUGE HAPPENING episodes that will be MIND-BOGGLINGLY GOOD AND BLOW US ALL AWAY WITH THEIR AWESOMENESS. And then we get a kind of mid-series story about a bus and the only really mind-bogglingly exciting thing about it is that it was filmed IN DUBAI for no apparent reason other than that it was quite obviously sponsored by the Dubai tourist board. See, the thing is about mind-bogglingly AWESOME episodes, guys, is that they're not AWESOME by virtue of how AWESOME a time you had on your various free holidays prepping/scouting/filming in Dubai, but by how AWESOME the story is and how much we as an audience are blown away by it. And I'm not generally BLOWN AWAY by a reasonably entertaining story, the moral of which being that if you're a lycra-wearing aristocrat, the Doctor will think you are awesome, snog you and let you off for your criminal behaviour, leaving you to go on your merry way and wreak more upper-class havoc on an unsuspecting public, but this time with the aid of a flying bus. It's my own fault, of course. Upon hearing of these SELECT FEW SUPER-SPECIAL SPECIALS, I kind of got carried away in my thinking and went "OOOOH!! I bet one of them's about the Time War and has Eccleston in it! Maybe there'll be a Ten-Doctors-type-thing! Whatever it is they'll be SUPER SPECIAL!!!" Which, of course, is a stupid thing to think. They'll just be normal episodes, except marginally longer and filmed in exotic locations that could have been a studio and we wouldn't have cared. Perhaps the next one will be sponsored by the country of Writing-An-Awesome-Companion-Who-Isn't-Just-Awesome-Because-She-Says-So-And-Also-Is-Not-Solely-Awesome-By-Virtue-Of-Her-Having-Met-The-Doctor. Maybe then I'll be happy. (Yeah, yeah, I know, Donna was AWESOME. But she doesn't count because her awesome was tainted by A)us constantly being told she was old and/or unattractive and B)her awesome being removed at the last minute, thus reducing her awesome to an awesome that was bestowed upon her and then taken away again by the Doctor, leaving her back at the slightly objectionable and vapid state of unawesomeness she was in before she met him.)

  • MY PHOTOSHOP MUSE HAS LEFT ME!!!! In other words, the woman who made the hugely offensive and objectionable photoshop Jack/Ianto monstrosities with the big cocks has friends-locked her journal and will only accept friending applications from simpering well-wishers whose arsekissing comments are love. Can I really be bothered to create a sock account for the sole purpose of seeing her godawful manipulations? And how long would it take her to sniff me out of the well-over-a-hundred friend applications she's had since flocking and find her way back here? She certainly doesn't come across as hugely intelligent or technosavvy. Could I call it a social experiment if I were to do such a thing? Is there a law against reposting photomanips for the sole purpose of animating the huge, veiny cocks involved? Is there a moral objection? Stay tuned while I ponder these issues.

I now return you to my regularly scheduled no-updates-unless-the-world-collapses.


Dec. 29th, 2008 12:35 pm
tencrush: (ianto pie)
Blech... my gran came over for Christmas dinner and gave us all a rotten flu, which is now ebbing away and turning into a rotten cold. I FEEL LIKE CRAP. Am slowly returning to the land of the living. I owe some people some pm's and I'll do that later, I promise.

[livejournal.com profile] ninja_teaboy passed the 200 members level just after Christmas, soo woo and indeed yay on that front. I shall devote more time to it in the new year and actually Do Stuff.

Oh, and thank you to my three month paid time benefactor, [livejournal.com profile] the_annexe, I've never actually had any LJ things off anyone before and that made me feel quite jolly inside.

PLEASE BE POSTING PICS FROM GARETH'S GIG THE OTHER DAY, MY PIE SENSES SEEM TO BE TINGLING A BIT. Or maybe he's just lost his Hollywood tan. And, no, don't start on me, bitches, the pie thing will never get old, honestly.

tencrush: (it crowd gay)
This article has been linked to extensively on my flist: Why Can't A Kiss Just Be A Kiss?, which I am now linking to as well, because it's an interesting read and all about the American media's EWWGROSS!! approach to onscreen male/male kissing. The Letterman interview with James Franco mentioned in the article is here, watch it:

Wow. Just... wow. When did Letterman turn into Leno with the crowd-pleasing homophobia, by the way? I've been out of the Yank loop for so long. That uncomfortable, embarrased attitude, dudes, it's like Leno and Ryan Phillipe all over again. (If you don't know what I'm talking about just google the phrase "gayest look" and work it out from there.) Just for once, I wish people like Franco wouldn't stoop to tittering along with this homophobic bullshit. He's a young, good-looking actor, who obviously doesn't have a problem with onscreen ghey, and he's in a prime position to call someone like Letterman out on it and tell him it's a stupid fucking question. Someone on [livejournal.com profile] alba17's journal (which is where I've snagged most of these links from) asked the question why nobody's asked Sean Penn what it's like to kiss a guy. I have to say, I firmly believe it's because Penn would, in fact, probably say "That's a stupid fucking question and you're a pathetic little man for asking it. I'm an actor" (Yeah, I have a bit of a soft spot for Penn. Don't judge me.) Because it's true. Nobody's ever asked Toby Maguire what it was like kissing Kirsten Dunst when she has a face like a slapped arse, yet asking a bloke what it's like to kiss Sean Penn, and implying that it must be really goddamn awful is a perfectly acceptable thing to say. It's fucked up.

Anyway, the interesting counterpoint is of course provided by Teh Barrowman:

And that Welsh beefcake GDL here (I'm referencing this article because I NEVER KNEW IT HAD A PAGE 2. Yeah, I'm a dumbass. Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] andreth47 for the link.):
"It's not as much of an issue [in the U.K.] at all. I don't get it, I don't understand why it's controversial, I don't understand why it's anyone's business or why it becomes anyone's problem where you stick your dick. Because it's not an issue for me, I don't really see us as pioneers. If we are viewed as pioneers, I just feel sorry for the people that are just coming 'round, because the wankers should have grown up much longer ago.

There's nothing wrong with [two men kissing] and the fact that people are interested in [Jack and Ianto's] relationship – I'd like that to be because of the chemistry. That's the reason I want it to be popular, not because, oh my God, it's a SciFi show with a gay relationship. I know people are going to be like that, but because it's not an issue for me, I sort of haven't got time for people it is an issue for."

Bless you, my son. (I'll just be really quick about saying that GDL might be veering a bit far to the other side of the debate in his vehemence about it "not being an issue", a slight appreciation of the fact that it is an issue for some people, especially across the pond, and therefore, in some circles, an important thing he's involved in here might not be misplaced. Honeypie. Just sayin'.)

And that, my friends, is why LB and GDL will never make it in Hollywood. The acceptable Tinseltown answer to the question of what it's like to kiss a guy is "It made me do a sick in my mouth a little." TRY TO REMEMBER THAT.

Just to prove not all of those crazy yanks are crazy, and to reassure everyone that today's generation of American kids will grow up JUST FINE. Here's Neil Patrick Harris on Sesame Street. As the Shoe Fairy. That's SHOE. FAIRY. Oh, yes. Watch as he imprints on the fragile minds of today's kiddies. GO NPH!

tencrush: (Default)
[livejournal.com profile] smirnoffmule has posted some pictures from Teh Hub Torchwood convention here.

I'm reposting some here for luls, but go check out the originals. (ETA: Who was it that revealed to me they were majorly into thighs? There's some good thighage going on over at [livejournal.com profile] smirnoffmule's. Checkit.)

There was boykissing? )

I've not read many reports from said convention, apparently there was some BIG SEKRIT pisstake play put on by the boys about Torchwood and its Gheyness, and apparently nobody is allowed to know about or show or film it or whatever, and it would seem whatever it was that was said has stretched to people not even writing up reports or posting pics, because apart from these, I haven't seen any. WTF, man? I've seen complete filming of other conventions and I really don't think copyright protection or protection of the Beeb's good name is at play here, it just doesn't make any sense. TW's about the crack and the ghey and surely conventions, convention reports and even shaky crappy filmed bits of conventions on YouTube are just more publicity at the end of the day? Why the big whoop made about this particular sketch? THE ACTORS TAKE THE PISS OUT OF THE SHOW. Yah, dudes. That's not big news to me, or anyone else who watches. Honestly. Something's not quite computing here.

Anywho. Yeah, that's Gareth's bum.

tencrush: (ianto pie)
I'm reposting some random pictures of Gareth from Alun Vega's photostream on Flickr, because you might not have seen them, and he takes some ace pictures.

Not really spoilery, some random photos by Alun Vega. )

tencrush: (Default)
I've said before about how much I hate Real Person Fiction. (Though, yes, I wrote that one once where David Tennant and Sophia Myles have some sex, kill a Real Person Fic authoress and then set off on a killing spree across the Nevada desert. But that was postmodern, deconstructivist RPF.) But yes, I think it's gross. Unless someone writes me that Gareth David-Lloyd/Felicity Kendall May/December porn that I keep asking for. With a strap-on. I digress! I HATE RPF!!! It's intrusive and downright weird and the only thing I hate more than RPF are photomanips.

I DIGRESS AGAIN. IF. And that's a big IF. If I were the sort of person who was inclined to write RPF, though... Based, say, on those kind of odd pictures of GDL and JB seemingly canoodling off screen... It would be an epic, multi-chaptered thing of beauty and would revolve around The Welsh-Scottish/American Gay Mafia 's repeated and hilarious attempts to Tempt Gareth David-Lloyd Into Bisexuality For The Good Of Gaykind. Each chapter would tell another tale of how Barrowman and Davies, both lynchpins of the aforementioned organisation, would cheat, lie and bitch at each other in an attempt to be the one to reap the Undisclosed Monetary Reward for the achieving of said goal. It would run and run and run. There would be in-jokes in which Davies would constantly accuse Barrowman of being unneccessarily camp and Barrowman would call Davies "you old queen" a lot. Each chapter would end with the two of them fighting like girls and Gareth just walking away, smoking a fag and finding himself a fangirl to stick it to. It would be EPIC. If I were to write such a thing.

Which is why I don't do fic on any level, really.
tencrush: (thud)
Quick Gareth related question for y'all:


[Poll #1252260]

Check as many boxes as you like. It's not for science or anything.

I've been ill. Feel somewhat better now. Thank you, Gareth.
tencrush: (ianto pie)
Gratuitous Gareth picspam masquerading as pie update )

Last note of non-connected noteworthyness, this is [livejournal.com profile] griggharris' signed picture:

IT IRKS ME, that NOBODY at the BBC has, in the past year, taken it upon themselves to edit the shadows of the other cast member's coats out of these individual promo shots that they cut out of the group shot. IT'S LAZY AND STUPID AND WOULD ONLY TAKE TEN MINUTES IN PHOTOSHOP FFS! GRRRRRRRRRRRR!

tencrush: (ianto pie)
As I was the one who first put the words "Gareth" and "pie" together in a sentence, I feel the onus is on me to keep abreast of the pie situation. So, bearing in mind the upcoming Who episodes, and the fact that they were filmed three months ago, I thought it would be good to analyse Gareth's pie status at the present time so we all don't get too depressed about his jawline while we watch the Who finale. Some people mentioned that he didn't look like he was laying off the pies last weekend at Abergavenny and TJ's or wherever it was he played. I refute that, and I bring picspam to prove it. Most pictures are by [livejournal.com profile] jades_shadow and nicked from [livejournal.com profile] ianto_daily, and one or two are by Spaceygal (I don't know if she has a Livejournal) from doctorwhoforum.


Perusing [livejournal.com profile] ianto_daily, I came across a comment by one of its users that said "The dopey hat is growing on me". This made me lol a bit, but there's a serious point to be made there, just in general, which is that should you decide to go with a "look", you should just persevere with it like Gareth has. Fuck what other people say, stick with it and eventually your dopey hat will grow on people. It's an important life lesson, I feel.

One more gratuitous picture )

ETA AGAIN: AH... he's signed with Marsters' agent, has he? What a fucking suprise.


tencrush: (Default)

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