FUCK IT

Nov. 5th, 2008 02:02 am
tencrush: (thud)
It's two in the morning and I couldn't sleep. Bollocks. I now have a laptop and ITV and a beer and fuck it. ITV just fucked up and told us McCain had 103 electoral votes already. They done mixed up their numbers but I did have a wee heartattack.

How's this one for luls:
McCain calls Florida voters and talks shit. In Spanish.

I know I said I wouldn't talk too much politics in here anymore, but I sincerely hope both McCain and Palin crawl back into their respective putrid little holes after this election and are never heard from again. Their preying on people's fears and insecurities, shit-spewing, hate-mongering brand of politics has no place in the modern world and I'm proud to sit here when I'm supposed to be sleeping because my kids'll be up soon, and watch America reject it once and for all. I may even cry.

To celebrate ITV switching their numbers back the right way, have a cockicon.

Oh, and the lady sitting at the BBC table just told us "the fish rots from the head". Yes, yes she did.

tencrush: (ianto pie)
SERIOUSLY, GO VOTE.

And if you already have and there's talk of queues in your area, go bring someone a cup of coffee, BRING PIE, go bring an old lady a folding chair, juggle, whatever the hell you want, go, go, go!

(Don't wear your Obama t-shirt while you're doing it, though. Electioneering is frowned upon, people, please remember that.)

*prays*

Nov. 4th, 2008 08:46 am
tencrush: (Default)
Go vote.

Don't fuck this up, dudes.

tencrush: (Gene Hunt)
Okay, so everybody and his wife on my flist is linking to this already, but fuck it, I'm linking to it too.

GO READ at [livejournal.com profile] copperwise:

Joe Six-Pack isn't who you think he/she is. You don't have a fucking clue about Joe Six-Pack.

Oh, and see that icon there? That's my party seven pwning your puny six-pack any day.

Blech...

Oct. 3rd, 2008 08:52 am
tencrush: (Default)
I've seen bits of the debate. I don't think I'm going to watch any more than those bits.

You know in Family Guy, when Lois is running for mayor of Quahog, and she does this debate which she eventually wins by saying "9....11!" over and over while the audience whoops and hollers and goes "Fuck yeah!", you know that bit? That's Sarah Palin, except she says "hockeymomregularsmalltownguyjoesixpack!!" I have resigned myself to the fact that McCain (despite the fact that his face looks like it's already been embalmed) and Palin will win this election, due to the fact that the current economic crisis has most Americans so worked up that they'll go for whoever looks the most reassuring and like they'd make them some cocoa and rub their back. Which is why Palin uses the word "mom" a lot, she's a very astute woman. Dumb as pigshit, but astute nonetheless. Also why she uses her newly coined phrase "Joe Sixpack" so much, because it not only reassures BillyJoeBob from Buttfuck Idaho that she understands regular guys like him, but also loosely implies in its wording that she thinks he's got lovely abs and no, that's not a beer belly at all, would you like some cocoa and a back rub? The fact that her voice makes me want to stick knitting needles in my ear and poke my brain until it stops doesn't seem to be a very big issue, I've noticed. Nor, apparently, that she hasn't got a single working brain cell and she's like that guy in that Monty Python film whose head has to be manipulated around until the ball falls in the little hole. She came off quite well! I kind of liked her! HAHAHAHLOLOLLOL you're all so fucked.

It doesn't matter, though, it doesn't really worry me so much, it just kind of makes me sad because it's only taken 8 years, and will only take another 4 on top for America to Truly Not Matter Anymore in the grand scheme of things and in the world. And that's a shame, because you could have been a contender.

The lesson to be learned from all this: We don't DO beauty pageants for a reason. We think they're really, really DUMB. Only Americans do beauty pageants. Let's keep it that way, peeps.
tencrush: (jackanto subtext)
Fucking Christ, I wish I'd never had a Green Card. Now, do I need to retroactively apply for advance parole because I broke my residency requirement as a minor and therefore am a victim of extraordinary circumstances beyond my control? Am I better off actually just pretending I never HAD a Green Card in the first place and starting over? If I go to the embassy now and wave my Green Card at them, will they take those big guns of theirs and wave them in my face and make me cut it up and sign an abandonment agreement? Goddamn you Americans, I HATE YOU SO MUCH, SRSLY your country isn't worth all this freaking effort and if anything I have to sign mentions God I shall be really miffed, I'm telling you that in advance because it's always all about God and why don't you just go stick your head in a pig. What about my Social Security number? Is that even still valid if I've never filed a tax return or had a bank account? Should I throw myself upon Darryn's firm's lawyer and just beg for help instead of trying to work it all out?

The only thing that makes me happy is the knowledge that if I go to the Fitchburg DMV RIGHT NOW, show them my 10 years expired driver's licence and give them my old address, they'll just give me a new one because that's what the Fitchburg DMV do. They'll send it to my old address, but I'll get the Millers to send it on. Plus ca change at the Fitchburg DMV, dudes. And at 24 Smith Street, for that matter.

ANYWAY, having drunkenly typed all that, Sarah Palin, dudes. She calls people "guys and gals". And you want me to put the effort in and prove to you that I want to live in your country? Do me a favour. How am I supposed to keep a straight face?
tencrush: (Gene Hunt)
This:



Scares the SHIT out of me. Her especially. The idea that these two might actually be elected is enough to make me REALLY REALLY QUESTION our decision to move to SF. PLEASE, SOMEONE TELL ME THAT THIS ISN'T GOING TO HAPPEN. PLEASE. I get this powerless feeling of dread every four years, much as I expect other Europeans do. All you can do is just sit and watch while your jaw drops onto the floor at the fact that FUCKING FRIGHTENING gun-toting, fundamentalist, freaky deaky WEIRDOES like this even have a VOICE in that big ole country over there, let alone can stand as candidates for the most powerful job in the world.

Listen, I know loads of Americans, and they're all decent, intelligent, hard-working, perfectly normal people. I lived there. People were normal. And nice. And sane. Those two up there? Their very existence? It's what makes us Europeans look at your country and assume you're all trigger-happy, pro-life, religious zealout, war mongering HICKS who haven't got a brain cell between you. And all we can do is sit here once every four years and shout at you and say PLEASE DON'T ELECT THESE PEOPLE. What the fuck else are we supposed to do? See all those caps up there, I'm trying to express frustration here, because I really, honestly don't know what else to do. The idea that these two even stand a TINY CHANCE of becoming the two most powerful people in the world, not only does it scare me to death, but it's just a fact that I cannot, intellectually, get my head around. It doesn't compute.

Please tell me this isn't happening. Help a non-citizen out here.

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